Yamabyss

INSTALLING A HUSBAND DEAR TECH SUPPORT, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the related Flower and Jewelry applications which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs or opens, starts and then freezes. Housecleaning Together 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I…

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sfPM77TsGaA&feature=bz301 this is one of the best races this year of the moto gp

Doctor Dave. Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last.... And you're single. Just let it go." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality. Whispering...... Dave!!!!!!!! Dave!!!!!!!! Dave!!!!!!!! ....YOU'RE A VET DAVE!!!!!!!!!…

Im 110% convinced that some tw@t has it in for me this moneth. Firtsly my paint job gets fecked cos the petrol fumes made it bubble so it gets sent back for repair. Comes back from repair (6 weeks later!) and im not entirely happy with it but it will have to do. So im thinking i will get a stainles steel ring about 2 inches wide - bit like a large washer - made to fit around the petrol hole to prevent any firther damage. Commisions the help of local steel fabricator draws a piccy and everything, then goes to collect ring a week later. Its WRONG!! It sits 2 inches ABOVE the opening and is 1/2 inch wide! So - i need this by the following day as bike has MOT -…

IF YOU HAD A BAD DAY HAVE A LOOK AT THESE POOR SOULS Things getting you down? Well then, consider these. In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died In the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves w…

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise. Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise. Haynes: This is a snug fit. Translation: You will skin your knuckles! Haynes: This is a tight fit. Translation: Not a hope in hell matey! Haynes: As described in Chapter 7... Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scarey photos of the inside of a gearbox. Haynes: Pry... Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into... Haynes: Undo... Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size). Haynes: Retain tiny spring... Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"! Haynes: Press an…

there was a female weightlifter who had an amazing snatch.

Robert Mugabe has won 7 individual Gold Medals at the Olympic Games.

I have a 1999 Roadstar that needed a transmission recall. My bike was running great!!!! I took it into a dealership to have the work done. Now, after 9 weeks later, the dealership still cannot get my bike to run. It has been one problem after another. They told us that we need to replace part after part. We have done that!! I seriously do not understand how a bike that was running great (I rode it to the dealership) is now all screwed up. The dealer in Millington, TN is doing the work. It wont run!!! It would not even fire. We had to replace the CDI box and got fire but still will not start. Now, they are saying I need all new wiring. MONEY MO MONEY!! What is…

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic rubbish bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there's a rip in one of the bags and every once in a while a £20 note falls out on to the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her and says, "Madam, there are £20 notes falling out of your bag." "Really? Oh, dear!" says the old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning." "Not so fast," says the cop. 'How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "My back garden is right next to the the football stadium car park. Each time there's a game, …

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the…

The National Eczema Association are currently fundraising. They've just launched a scratch card.

sorry - put on wrong forum

A 7 year old & a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 7 year old says "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, ok?' "Ok' the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Oh sh*t mum, I s'pose I'll have some Coco Pops. WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, & ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 4 year old & asked with a stern voi…

DON'T KNOW WHAT DOCTOR WROTE THIS, BUT I LIKE HIM! . HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothin…

Shhhhhh!!....... Don't tell anyone...... I'm gonna go down on you.... ...And you're gonna love it........... ........But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it........ ....Then I'm gonna come back up again and fuck you big time..... Lots of love, Petrol prices xx

VERY INTERESTING STUFF In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb' ------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury. -------------…

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I Decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an …

Grumpy The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. 'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?' Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?' The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.' In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them. Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Euro…

Priceless -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fred had had a headache for many years . He finally made a doctor's appointment. Results as follows. The doctor said, "Fred, the good news is I can cure your headaches.The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one heck of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Fred was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a hea…