Yamabyss

Howdy, First time posting, recently bought a Yamaha XVS 125 Dragstar, my first bike, totally kicks ass, looking forward to passing my full test and getting the 600cc version. For now I have a query, what would be the best way of fitting more lights to the front of the bike? I do a lot of riding at night, and don't find the front light illuminates enough. Thanks

I would just like to make it clear, that this is not from personal experience! A wee old man went into a chemist to buy Viagra. "Can I have 6 tablets, and can you cut them into quarters for me?" "I can cut them into quarters sir" says the chemist, "but a quarter won't give you a full erection" "I'm 96" says the old man, "I don't have any use for an erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't p*ss on my slippers!!!"

There was a biker sitting in a pub, quietly enjoying his pint, when the door opens and in walks a lady of easily negotiable affection. She sits at the bar next to the biker and says in a husky voice, Hey big boy, have you ever had a thrill? Yeah, replies the biker, I was out on my bike and was rippin down some country lanes; the sun was shinin the little birds wuz tweetin, the bike was runnin sweet and everythin was cool. No, I mean have you ever had a REAL thrill? she asks again. Oh yeah, he answers. I was cranking it over into some really tight bends and the footpegs were scraping out wiv sparks flying behind me! Bloody hell, she thinks, this bloke is so thi…

BOY, am I PISSED OFF, just rang the local dealer here in Townsville (Australia) ..TOWNSVILLE Moto-Sport YAMAHA Only to be told by the (and I'll be nice) Lady ??? I spoke to that my pride & Joy is TOO old for them to work on .. (Could have had something to do with the fact that I asked how long it would take to remove the fairings as I did NOT want to pay someone Aus $80 per hour to do it..) (Ned Kelly - BushRanger) When is a bike consider by a YAMAHA Dealership to be TOO old for them to even Look at/Service/Tune up ??? and the piece (Female) on the phone was as arrogant and pretentious as Sadam on the trapdoor , "I'm Right, Always will be,- Your wron…

Went out today to take daughter no 2 to work, Daughter no 1 is out on my bike just pottering around as she's recently passed her test. Gets home to find my bike's on the drive. Daughter 1 says" Dad i've done something stupid, sorry i've put the disk lock on the wrong way" "Thats ok" I say, "just put the key in through the other side of the wheel", ...You know whats coming dont you....Yes there's lots of holes in the disk and only 3 spokes in the wheel, she chose a hole next to a spoke so you cant get the key in...Doh

Any fs1e owners out there rembr the duels in 1975/6 erra , when the fissies used to take off get big lead then the garelli"s used to reel them in [ third gear] Then change into 4th and die a death. [esp, if on incline] for the fissie to pass again then the garelli changed down 3rd to pass again [with that sick howl] all this at between 40/ 50 mph. Them italians never could work out ratio"s [ahem where were the A.P.50 & SS HONDAS ] Still back in town

What is with these idiots on ebay who think they can dismantle a UJM, then list every part and not have the sense to throw away the junk? They also don't list the stuff as a regular auction, but sell it in their ebay stores as a buy it now for rip off prices. I just saw a 31 year old cam seal up for grabs. He said it looked like new. It was out of round and probably hard as a rock. Or how about a 32 year old air filter with 60% of the filter material missing and the rest of it so ancient it crumbles to dust when you touch it. The same crackpot also listed an old wiring harness with corrosion on the connectors that he described as perfect except for the section that was …

And another thing, Why are so many of you English flying the union flag, are you not proud to be English? The Scots and the Welsh Fly their own flags and rightly so, The flag of St George, you'll find it under ESTONIA' My God, Next thing Scotland, Wales and Union flag will all disappear and be replaced by the bloody Euro banner thingy

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your cuppa across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar callouses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Yeouw....' ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, or for perforating something behind and beyond the original intended target object.…

Mate of mine rang me earlier today, he was on his way to Blackpool and knocked over a pig, killed it dead. He asked me, "What do I do with it?" I said , if your sure its dead, throw it in the ditch "Ok" he said, "what do I do with the camera he was holding? "

just a word ov warning to any dt125r oweners thinking ov buying a Big One exhaust muffler!DONT.as i did.big mistake. you will be told it bolts straight on.you will need an expert welder to make it fit and even then you find it expells so much heat it will melt rear mudgaurd and reg plate i kid you not.the whole alignment ov muffler is wrong.when i contacted supplier i was told to get a qualified person todo the job.i myself have messed with cars and bikes for about 15years and my mate who fitted it is a MOT TESTER/welder/mechanic ov sum 32years.

40 degrees: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland sunbathe. 35 degrees: Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down. 20 degrees: Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt. 15 degrees: Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Scotland go swimming in the sea. 0 degrees: New York landlords turn the heat on. People in Scotland have a last barby before it gets cold. -10 degrees: People in Miami are extinct. People in Scotland lick flagpoles. -20 degrees: Californians all now live in Mexico. People in Scotland throw on a light jacket. …

BRITS REVOKE USA INDEPENDENCE (A Message from John Cleese To the citizens of the United States of America): In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine wh…

My name is Zoomsplat and i'm a TWAT

http://www.smwa.net/downloads/funny/rake_bush4.swf

The Clitoris Licking Frog A woman sees a sign outside a pet shop, CLITORIS LICKING FROG £50. She goes in “I’d like to see the clitoris licking frog” she says, “Bonjour” the shop keeper replies.

Why men are not agony aunts Dear Neville, I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the yammy shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd ca…

Its taken me this long since sunday to calm down. Generally I dont get stressed at others on the road, but this weekend was the worst I have ever seen. I ride all the time, come rain or snow and im very used to my machine. I was out with a mate on sunday, having a great ride through yorkshire into cumbria then back down to lancashire. About 10 miles away from home a group of, er. . sunday bikers came up behind us, we are on country lanes, nowhere to pass, if it was me behind, id have waited, using a bit of the old common sense, but no....these four came past doing well over a ton, the last one took my front wheel out after clipping my elbow. . . only experience saved …

40 Scousers arrived at heaven's gates St Peter said "Weve only got room for 12, so decide amongst yourselves who's coming in" Five minutes later St Peter says to God. "They've gone" God says "What, all 40? St Peter says "No, The F***ing Gates" "

what's black and bushy and sits on a C*nt? Alistar Darling's eyebrows!!!