Yamabyss

My friend was convicted of DWAI in New York State 25 years ago. Never fingerprinted, paid a fine. He is now going for a job and was wondering if he should mention it. The job questionaire asks if he was ever convicted of it.

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, sp…

Please note that with the arrival of the new "Drive-through" cash point machines in the UK, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time. Male Procedure 1 Drive up to the cash machine. 2 Wind down your car window. 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5 Remove card and receipt 6 Drive off Female Procedure 1 Drive up to cash machine 2 Reverse …

Paddy was shocked to learn that the cows on his farm had bluetoungue, he said "be jesus I didn't even know they even had mobile phones!"

Yesterday, a spokesperson announced that they found foot and mouth in Lanarkshire, Scotland..... they hope to find the rest of Colin McRae very shortly

An engineering student was at campus parking an R1 when he was approached by a friend, also an engineering student. The friend said, "Hey, where'd you get the great looking bike?" The first engineer replied, "Well, I was walking across the campus car park the other day. This beautiful woman rode up to me on her R1, ripped off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said 'Take anything you want!!!'" The second engineer replied, "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway!"

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across an XS400 with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 30 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 30 years. "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before…

All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my wife. I co…

A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red pedal car with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fireman's helmet. The pedal was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fireman walked over to take a closer look. "That's is a nice fire engine," he said with admiration. "Thank you," the girl replied. The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the pedal car to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little girl," the fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your appliance, but if you were to tie that r…

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet. Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... Namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! "Helllooooo?" (I told him). "It's been a year!" There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He hasn't called back, probably too em…

Harold Shipman's suicide note has been found. It reads - "I can't go on. I've run out of patience."

Sales of condoms in Australia have plummeted today,when the England rugby squad proved, that to f**k 15 Aussies you only need one Jonny!

Is there a doctor in the House.................. 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient. - Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad new…

The Italian says, "When I have a-finished makina love with my girl-a-friend, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees. She floatsa 6 inches abova da bed in ecstasy". The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick ze soles of her feet with mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy". The Irishman says, "Dat's nottin'. When Oi've finished shaggin' me bord,I get out of da bed, walk over to d'window and wipe me knob on da curtain. She hits da fockin' roof.

hi guys, I am new to this forum and just bought myself a XVS 125 Dragster... I need to replace my rear wheel and it came with the Cheng Shin 130/90 15 (rear) and 80/100 18 (front), my question is, can I replace just the rear tyre and second, any suggestion on where from? Many thanks in advance. Dan.

My son found a free 1980 XS 850 for haul away, no problem. He called me today and asked what I knew about this model. All I could tell him was that the XS designation was used for the 650s in the day. I Googled it and I liked what I saw: a triple: not too complex, daul overhead cam: preformance possibilities, shaft drive: I'm there, not too stylized: don't care for disco. We both like classic European styled bikes. The machine has been indoors for 4 years and the mileage is unknown. After my online research I reported back that this bike has the potential to be an all-around commuter/tourer. Since it's coming home any way, would anyone experienced with this ma…

A note you would not forget in a hurry if it was on your fridge merv

Hey everybody.... I am new to riding and dont know much about bikes so Im hoping i could get some info from you more experienced folk. I just bought a 600r 2006 and im noticing that the warm up time on the bike takes a bit long... Granted i have to give it time but the temp doesnt reach 100 for 15minutes minimum. Im wondering if this is normal for a bike thats been in a warehouse for a year and not gone over 40 miles on the clock... i have noticed taht when the bike hits 80 temperature and i turn choke off i stall out. any tips i would greatly appreciate my questions are: 1 whats an average time to wait for engine to warm up on a seasoned bike? 2 whats a g…

Anyone know where i can get a service/repair manual for a 2004 yzf600?

Hi, newbie here. I own a 83 heritage special xs650 that I just purchased for learning purposes. Do not have manual, and really not a lot of info online about this bike. Anyone have a insightful, helpful info to share?? Thanks!