Yamabyss

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy in Britain, my work has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional Income for …

Hello Guys & Girls, just thought I'd say hi and ask how I can put some photo's of my recently purchased 2006 R6 in the gallery. thanks in advance

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the altar. > > Everyone started screaming and running for the entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. > > Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. > > So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am? > > The man replied, "Yep, sure do." > > "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. > > "Nope, sure ain't." said the man. > > "Don't you reali…

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one. The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going t…

Now, before we all fly off the handle about Police 'bashing,' my father is a Police Sergeant, a very good one at that! But, lately the Police 'hiring policy' seems to be letting more and more morons into 'the force.' Maybe it is because anyone in their right mind would not join the Police for warrant of not wanting to be 'castrated' by "political correctness" bullsh*t and assorted H&S b*llocks that seem to run the Police these days. Anyway, there is a reason this rant has been started... Apart from my own instances of seeing the Police using their ‘powers’ unjustly or just being plainly idiotic, this case was something that happened to my mother today; …

The post Office has just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of Man United players on them and people couldn't work out which side to spit on.

for us oldies and OG!! download this onto your mobile and drive your kids crazy with the tone that we can't hear, but they can. Got my lad to lock himself in his bedroom as the noise permeated upstairs MWWHAHA!! MotoGP on the telly? play the tone continuously and you got the tv to yourself!!! sorted aparently anyone under 20 can hear it, and some kids use it as a text tone so the teachers can't hear the text message comming in!! http://www.archive.org/details/15kHz_tone

From the people who brought you the glasgow airport bombers now comes Do you ever worry about the NHS at all ? You should - These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow 1. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day t…

Speed cameras are there for safety reasons not money machines ? this is enough to make your piss boil, speeding rossers getting away they should obey the law unless it is a life threatening situation i reckon,If they speed the should get double points and fines as they should be examples to other motorists merv

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the fook'n height of this flagpole, but we don't have a fook'n ladder.' The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches... Then, she walked off. Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the fook'n height and she gives us the fook'n length.'

Did I read that sign right? TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spo…

The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check number 11, it takes the prize... Laughing 1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A, was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 3. I do…

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood. The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?" The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you." After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?" The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!" Other bat says, "I didn't." ------------------------------------------------------- Parvinder and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London . Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3…

For the last few weeks I've been getting real bad tension headaches, but only when I'm working at the VDU, so I get a voucher from work and off down to SpecSavers (works choice not mine!) for the test. After poking me in the eye with a blast of air, half blinding me with a bloody flood light (well his torch thing!) he tells me I don't need specs to use a VDU - but I do for reading. I can sit on a night and read a book from cover to cover with no problems at all, ten minutes infron of a VDU and I can feel the strain - what the phook are these people on? I asked the optician, why then do I get strain? "you need spec's" but you've just said I don't, "yes you need t…

well yesterday i went of as usual to asda to do some shopping feeling a bit under the weather,normally i would park up near the fence but as yesterday my leg was really bad i parked in one of the disabled spots, at this point i should explain i have a disabled tax disc and also a disabled blue badge. when i finished getting the few bits i wanted i returned to my bike to find two women and the security guard stood there looking at my bike,one of the women said you ignorant bastard dont you realise these parking spaces are for disabled drivers have you no respect, the security guard said i have called the police and they will sort you out, at this point i was still …

Hi all, Just need a bit of advice. I have injured myself - not through riding - but have damaged my neck and shoulder and it is highly unlikely that I'll ride again before the new year. My bike is new ( this years model ) and is being kept in a shed with a cover on. My concern is that of it not being run for perhaps 2 months or more dependant on my recovery...what should I be doing? Should it be centre standed, rather than side standed? What about the oil in the engine? Still new to all this and need to ensure that I get into the new year with an operational machine... Any advice that you can offer would me much appreciated. Regards, Matt.

Ok, so its 8am on a Saturday morning, and im up and about. Why? i hear you ask, seeing as its a Saturday morning and you deserve a lie in Goff dahling, cos you worked so hard this week. Well my fellow bikers, its because of the prick who lives 4 doors down on my street. He has a VERY OLD silver Peugeot car and the exhaust is fucked. So as you can imagine its very loud. Not only that but he also has an EVEN OLDER Fiesta type car thats just as fucked and just as loud. This prick insists on revving the balls of both cars EVERY FUCKIN MORNING and driving like a madman down the cul-de-sac in front of my house to turn round! I wouldn't mind but this arseho…

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. .............. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*kin number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the la…

Got this in an e-mail thought you lot might like it... What Do Retired People Do All Day? Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.. I called him a turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. So my wife called him a sh#t-head. He finished the sec…

....... like pissing yourself - everyone can see it, but only you can feel that warm, fuzzy feeling it gives you.