Moderator mervin Posted November 11, 2008 Moderator Share Posted November 11, 2008 Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood. The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?" The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you." After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?" The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!" Other bat says, "I didn't." ------------------------------------------------------- Parvinder and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London . Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3 every day. Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?' Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'? Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a w ife and 6 kids to support'. Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3 Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'? Parvinder shows Habib his sign.... It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan '. ------------------------------------------------------- One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave , where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president andno longer resides here."The old man said, "Okay" and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the sameMarine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again just walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?" The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it." The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir." --------------------------------------------------------- Ford V Toyota Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford Motors) Decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams Practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the Reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior Management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, While the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting Company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while Not enough people were rowing. Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent Another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure Was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering Superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people Rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for The rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and Other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The Pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the Resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork Posters. The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of A new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for New equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives As bonuses. The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even Finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable Performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was Out-sourced to India . Sadly, the End. Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years Moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money Paying American wages. TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants Inside the US . The last quarter's results: TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses. Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator drewpy Posted November 11, 2008 Moderator Share Posted November 11, 2008 O loiks the bats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grizzlydan Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Yep the bats are good but i do like the bush one. He, he. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator drewpy Posted November 12, 2008 Moderator Share Posted November 12, 2008 Yep the bats are good but i do like the bush one. He, he. the only bush i like is on the wife's...aherm!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beginner Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Heard the bat one before but still good And that bush one is brilliant Toyota/Ford was a bit like a shaggy dog story lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Cynic Posted November 14, 2008 Moderator Share Posted November 14, 2008 The ford bit's going up on the wall at work, its our lot to a t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gas up - Let's Go! Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 Toyota/Ford was a bit like a shaggy dog story lol Sounds like BT............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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