Yamabyss

**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,** **'Hello?'** **'Hi honey.** **This is Daddy.** **Is Mommy near the phone?'** **'No, Daddy.** **She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'** **After a brief pause,** **Daddy says,** **'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'** **'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,** **Right now.'** Brief Pause. **'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.** **Put the phone down o…

OldGitOnABike is out on a long summer ride in the country... Feeling hungry, he pulls up to this roadside cafe in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes through the doors, he sees a sign hanging over the counter: COLD BEER: £2.00 HAMBURGER: £2.25 CHEESEBURGER: £2.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £3.50 HAND JOB: £50.00 Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, OG walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female, who is serving coffee to a couple of sun-wrinkled Harley riders. She glides along the counter to OldGit.... "Yes?", she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. "May I help you?" Old Git lean…

fence post tortoise While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Devon farmer, who cut it on a gate while working cattle, the rural doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Gordon Brown and his appointment as Prime Minister. ”Well, you know, drawled the old farmer, this Brown fellow is what we in Devon call a fencepost tortoise.” Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost tortoise was. The old farmer said, “When you’re driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's called a fencepost tortoise.” The old farmer saw a puzzled look on…

Am i the only one on here who gets annoyed at the 'I posted yesterday and nobody botherd line' it seems to be on the up and really gets up my nose. I don't live on the bloody keyboard i dip in through the week and have a bit of a blast on the weekend. Thing is some of the answers can take quite a while, i generally only deal with the aircooled DT stuff cos thats what i know well but even then sorting through drawings and searching the web for the answers takes time even though you have a good idea where to look. The icing on the cake is how many times have been and gone where you spend maybe an hour sometimes sorting out somebody's post and then nothing. Don't remem…

Hey anybody know how long you can keep chicken in the freezer i thought it was 3 months, The one i put in there last night was dead this morning........

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'. Later that night......... Mildred was adm…

Gordon Brown called Alistair Darling into his office one day & said, 'Alistair, I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win back Middle England ..' 'Good idea PM, how will we go about it?' said Darling.' 'Well' said Brown 'we'll get ourselves two of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick & a flat cap, oh & a Labrador. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a nice old country pub, in Much Something or other, & we'll show we really enjoy the countryside, ........ Oh & remember not to mention the Hunting with Dogs Act' 'Right PM' said Darling. So a few days later, all kitted out & with the requisite L…

good to see someone with a sense of humour

OG out on a long summer ride on his DT, pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar: COLD BEER: £2.00 HAMBURGER: £2.25 CHEESEBURGER: £2.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £3.50 HAND JOB: £50.00 Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, OG walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving lemonade to wild Foamy and a couple of his Moped friends. She glides down behind the bar to the old biker. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?" OG leans over the bar…

I've had 3 friends killed by people driving while on mobile phones. I've almost been run over myself, while walking on the pavement by someone doing this. Hands-free kits cost a few quid. Most phones come with one included in the box. It only takes a moment to pull over before answering a call. There is NO excuse. So we're bimbling back from Portsmouth and this guy comes blasting along in the next lane... Mrs looks over and see's he's on his mobile phone. As is the custom, I give the guy the usual hand gesture and indicate he should pull over. He decides he's going to blast in front, stop at the lights and get out for a barney. I can't be arsed wit…

Absolutely lethal on wet smooth floors, not good when you put your bike stand down on them also. And NO I dont ride my bike in them, was just wheeling it out of the garage...Ouch.!!!

a previes for those who have not received their copy yet

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.' The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.' Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?' The teacher, bl…

this looks, erm, interesting more info and the funniest copy you ever heard

If I'm lucky I may have picked up 3 points and speeding tax this morning. If I'm unlucky and didn't squeeze the brake in time, I might be off to court. Now it's the waiting game. Shit really. Innit.

Archaeoligists have dug up Old git s first bike . rumour has it ,its under resto and check the tax disc , 1920 . old git was 15 then.

Fixed my rear flat with ultra seal. Well chuffed. Its a permanent solution to flats so it says on the tin. Anyone used it before, does it work "for the life of the Tyre"? Tyre manufactures don't recommend it......... that figures if it works as good as it says it does!!

Just seen this on TMBF, not sure if it made it to here as well. Someone on the gixxer forums put NOS energy juice into his tank thinking it was high octane fuel... http://www.gixxer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=226570

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.' 'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.' Bartender, 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.' Pirate, 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.' Bartender, 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?' Pirate, 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.' ' Bartender 'What about that eye patch?' Pirate, 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds fl…

Morning everyone, Has anyone got any good advice on removing the six bolts holding the rear brake disc to the wheel of my XJ900S Diversion? I did have a very good wheel which needed a new disc so my trusty neighbour said he would remove it only to snap a bolt then proceed to drill it then use an "easy out" which cracked my wheel! I now have another wheel with a worn disc which needs removing and i dont want a repeat! Thanks, Alan.