General

Hi folks I hope you find some of these tips handy - hence the title 'Handy Tips. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view. Always poo at work. Not only do you save money on toilet paper, you'll get paid for doing it! WEIGHT WATCHERS. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**k**g thing in the first place you fat b*st**d! Recreate the fun of a visit to the swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it before jumping in. Don't buy expensive ribbed condoms, just buy …

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. ''I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there.'' A little confused, the owner goes over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes a deep breath. ''Ah, yes, thats what I'll have - roast beef and all the trimmings.'' Unbelievable, the owner thinks to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to b…

When the fair came to town, Fred and his wife Ethel went every year. Every year Fred would say, ''Ethel I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'' Ethel always replied, ''I know Fred, But that helicopter ride is 50 pounds, and 50 pounds is 50 pounds.'' One year, Fred and Ethel went to the fair, and Fred said ''Ethel I'm 85 years old, If I don't ride that helicopter, I might not get another chance.'' Ethel replied, ''Fred that helicopter is 50 pounds, and 50 pounds is 50 pounds.'' The pilot overheard the couple and said, ''I'll make you a deal. I'll take both of you up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word,I won't charge yo…

A nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the bathroom door. the nun asks, '' Who's there?'' A man's voice replies ''I'm a blind man'' Thinking that no harm can be done as he can't see, the nun steps naked out of the bath and unlocks the door. The door opens and the man says, ''What colour do you want the blinds?''

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort inched himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookie…

Our shop has just inherited alot of new "old" spares. Not just yamaha by the way. It's taking up alot of space so we are doing it at 50% off retail price. It's only supposed to be an offer for VJMC owners but the boss said I could give you lot the heads up! Can't tell you exactly what bikes any of it is for but if you know the part number you require it might be in the box. There isn't any real big stuff (wheels, bodywork silencers that sort of thing) but lots of little bits and decals. If you are interested I need the part numbers, PM them to me and if they are in the box we can sort you out.

Anyone do it, i'm thinking of buying a bike and starting off for fun then migrate to racing....already have a few trophies from 1 off races can buy them pretty cheaply now and there's a track that does a £15 for 4 hours special every monday where i live

....Wish I coulda seen this thing test, as it seems it already has, right in my own back yard (so 2 speak) ....... A sneak peak of the MotoCzysz C-1, the American MotoGP project led by the renowned architect and passionate racer Michael Czysz. The C-1 prototype features many innovative solutions like the 6X Flex fork, the 6X coaxial steering front suspension, a dual clutch system and the groundbreaking counter-revolution engine, which nearly eliminates gyroscopic and torque forces. The prototype already hit the track twice, at the Portland International Raceway and the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. The development of the bike is still in its early days, …

A guy goes into a bar and asks the barman for a bottle of his best champagne and a double whisky. ''Are you celebrating? asks the barman ''I've just had my first blowjob'' was the reply. ''So whats the whisky for?'' enquires the barman. ''To take the taste away!''

.....to actually ride a Harley (well, Harley powered anyway) bike, after riding primarily Yams for 20 years. Went out for a ride last night over to a Harley-riding buddy of mine's place. He let me have a go on his recently bought Buell S1 Lighnting. Definitely NOT a stocker either.....120bhp, 108 ft./lbs. of torque.......got a cerami-coated header with a V&H can......42mm flat-slide Mikuni......& the whole package only weighs about 425lbs. What a burley sounding Beast this is too......Very Addicting!!! A bit like a Big-Block Vette.....lightweight with LOADS of Grunt! I want one!!!

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on ''The Sea''. Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testacles. (Kelly aged 6) Oysters balls are called pearls. (James aged 6) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne aged 7) I thinks sharks are ugly and mean and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie aged 6) …

Attack MX will DQ winner and give grand prize to runner-up By Davey Coombs Racer X broke the story yesterday that David Snow, the winner of the $40,000 Ford F-350 pickup truck in the first-ever Attack MX race in Arizona, was actually Alex Snow, a pro-caliber rider from Great Britain who entered the 125cc Novice class for this high-profile race. A positive ID was made of Alex Snow by several readers in England when a photo of the Attack MX winner by Bobby Myers was posted on our website. Now, after following up with the information and speaking with several parties—including the Snow family back in England and their hosts, the Chatfields in Texas—Attack MX has …

Hey guys...I work with the US distributor, wilbersusa, in NJ. Trying to let you riders know we offer a very high quality shock that is built to your specifications for alot of yamaha bikes. I wanted to let all of you know some off the shocks features. Its built to your specs which means riding weight, passenger weight, riding style, any added luggage and we can lower your bike as well at no X-tra charge. It comes with 22 click rebound damping, which is the base shock, and you can also get that plus high and low speed compression damping. The shock comes with a 5yr warranty as well and is serviced here in the states. Theres alot of good feedback from a lot of riders with o…

I'm going for Rossi again, cos he's "da" man

bike that is! are you a sunday rider, an all year round commuter, fairweather rider or what? myself, i ride to work every day and try to get a decent run each weekend, bikes are my hobby, transport and anything else inbetween. tell us about what you use yours for...

........that's using a Kwak logo as his avatar on another forum then? You don't see me flying the Gay Honda flag do you? Very bad show for someone in his position I think!

I've added two new custom profile fields into the software, whereby you can fly your country's flag under your details, as mine is now doing. And you can also list your bikes as well! All you need to do is: Go to My Controls on the top taskbar. Personal Profile info in the LH Menu. Edit Profile info. Choose your country from the dropdown menu at the top of the page. Enter your bikes in the relevant field at the bottom of the page. Click Amend My Profile. And that's it....you're flying your country's flag and showing your bikes!

just back from a 110 mile jaunt through the hills on the trusty klr. not a single other bike on the road today which is unusual as there's normaly atleast one other brave soul(or silly sod). so did any of you lot brave the cold?

Hiya peeps. I hope everything is going well for you all. Sorry i haven't posted for ages, been busy at work and erm lazy at home i guess The bike is going well, but the vibrations are back again, .. last time a oil change calmed it down a lot, so i guess i need another one already (i've only done 6 or 7 hundred miles since last one) but nevermind, I presure washed it then sprayed it all over with silicone spray, Including the back brake disk i didn't mean to of cource, i was trying to get all of the swing arm .. but it started working properly again after a mile or so The next thing to do is get new tyres hopefully soon, BT45's (on the recommendation o…

Former 500cc World Champions Wayne Rainey, Eddie Lawson and Kevin Schwantz were joined by with three-time U.S. Superbike champion Doug Chandler at Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca on Thursday in preparation for the Superstars of Super Karts race, one of the support events at the Red Bull U.S. Grand Prix in July. While Rainey and Lawson have raced Super Karts several times on the 2.238-mile, 11-turn road course in the hills outside Monterey, it was the first time Schwantz and Chandler had driven the high-performance karts anywhere. "I've been trying to get these guys (Schwantz and Chandler) into a Super Kart for a while," said Rainey, who lives in Monterey. "I think th…