Yamabyss

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket; instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." Smart Ass Answer #4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Smart Ass Answer #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've bee…

Aaargh. Not me but my eldest just been taken off her pushbike in central London whilst on her way to work. Van driver opened his door on her and gave her the choice of his door or going under the oncoming traffic. Helmet saved her head but after X-rays it looks like a fractured Scaphoid (what else !). Plastered up for another two weeks and then second set of plates and then a decision on further treatment. The knight of the road that caused this managed to bugger off in the ensuing confusion - bastard. To make matters worse she's a professional musician and has an audition for the BBC Philharmonic in a fortnight. That ain't happening now. Always thought I was the most lik…

Well peeps, after completing a military fitness test last friday i have decided that the cancer sticks arent doing me any favours. So i've stopped smoking now, im using an electronic vapourizer instead, its pretty neat because you can have high/med/low nicotine content liquid in it and even add flavours (Vanilla and strawberry is my favourite atm...) i had a few drags on a tab on saturday night whilst down the pub, i smoked half of it and then felt a bit ill so that was the end of that, the strange thing is ive tried quitting before but found i was even more unpredictable and volatile than usual, looking to start an argument at work for an excuse to go out and hav…

well my monthly copy of classic bike arrived this morning and imagine my surprise on page 76 there is john blackie (blackhat) and his kawasaki h2,nice one john,great article and some cracking bikes.

ernjoy ya fag asshole

Right, i am now quitting smoking for the second time now last time i quit by cutting right down and deliberately leaving my baccy at home so i couldn't smoke at work and when i did have a smoke after work it would make me feel so ill i just stopped! (Yay me) But then after finding out another one of my mates i went through phase 1 training with got killing in Afgan i started again. Well i haven't had a smoke now since 1200hrs yesterday but im now craving them, i cant use patches as i have lady skin and they bring me out in blisters, the gum is shit and so are them little tablet things in the blue packet. So my question is........how can i curb these cravings!? i was…

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realised that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went …

*/DEC 16th > >> > >> It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've > >> > >> seen for years. The wife and I took our hot toddies and sat on the porch > >> > >> watching the fluffy snow flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees > >> > >> and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful. > >> > >> > >> > >> DEC 17th. > >> > >> We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow > >> > >> covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree > >> …

On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through. "The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when t…

Just got my kids building a big snowman. When it thaws, all the dog shit will be in the same spot. Sorted

hit the windows to see what swear words ya get snowball game

christ man what is it with soft cockney fuckas and a little bit of snow i live in the pennines so i'm used to the best snow in excess of feet and not inches like those soft cunts. plus it doesnt help when the news agencies dramatise it like its the bubonic plague ffs...enjoy it while you can, we get it up here in August

So here we are my usual first day of getting out there and trying not to die. And I'm like you all stuck indoors, my MOT guy is not working so no MOT yet and it looks like I will have to get it taxed then MOT it later in the year, but it is frustrating . I hope you have all been well and not had this bloody virus, it really is not something to take lightly, I don't object to dying per-se just not drowning in my own juices in a hospital bed. I'm sure this madness will end in the not too distant future but please take care of yourselves and families. Perhaps we can have a get together much later in the year to swap stories about how we passed the time while imprisoned indoo…

"Oh what beautiful children you have"

Holy Soap Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he dro…

Dont forget Friday 20th a partial eclipse will occur from about 08:45. http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/31746958

No comment........hehehe

Babes on bikes

Is there a doctor in the House.................. 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient. - Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad new…