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The VIZ, what is it like


barkwindjammer
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Excerpts from 'letter-bocks'

THEY SAY that laughter is the best medicine. My grandad has got Parkinson's disease and we've been laughing at him for months and he hasn't got any better. So much for that theory.

D. Smoog, Paris

SURELY it would make sense to simply nuke the Middle East. Then all the sand would turn to dunes of glass that you could ski on, providing you lined your skis with velvet. And you could find oil just by wandering around looking down.

Neil Weatherall, e-mail

WHILST cleaning Jamie Oliver's windows the other day, I pissed in his window box with herbs in. Have any of your other readers done spiteful things to celebrities?

OTG, Herts

I WONDER if I could use your letters page to warn women about a scam that is going on. If a man comes to your door and asks to look at your tits, claiming to be doing a survey, do not show him your tits. I fell for this the other day, and it was only later I discovered that there was no survey, he was only trying to see my tits.

B. Harrison, e-mail

HAS ANYONE lost a flat, orange cat and some flies in the car park of Llantrisant Tescos? I found them yesterday and wonder if there is a reward.

Kris, Pontyclun

SEVERAL weeks ago I sent Denise Van Outen some of my pubic hair and a photocopy of my penis, yet she still hasn't had the decency to reply. Isn't it about time some of these so-called 'celebrities' looked down from their ivory towers and realised that it is borderline psychotics like myself who made them what they are today?

John Sowerby, Sedbergh

THESE NEW 'Gentlemen's Clubs' are a complete con. I went in one the other night and it was full of women. To add insult to injury, most of them were practically naked.

Robert Warren, e-mail

WHAT A rip-off these so called Scottish Widows are. The one they advertise on telly is a real gorgeous, classy tart, but when I fixed myself up with one from the 'Encounters' section of the Glasgow Herald, she turned out to be a right old boiler living in a council flat in Motherwell.

Jamie McSporran, Glasgow

And my fave so far :blink:

THESE DAYS, most shops have wheelchair access, but once inside the shop, the needs of the disabled are all but forgotten. Whilst in my newsagents the other day, I realised how difficult it must be for someone in a wheelchair to purchase a top shelf magazine. They would have to ask someone to pass it down which would cause great embarrassment. . Wouldn't it be a good idea if newsagents had a pneumatic ramp by the magazines to lift wheelchairs up to the top shelf. It could be fitted with flashing lights and a klaxon to warn other customers to keep clear of the mechanism when in operation.

Steve Dawson, e-mail

:o:blink:

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