Yamabyss

Not sure why the wife never thought my Valentines card prose was romantic! Any ideas? Roses are Red, Nuts are brown skirts go up, pants go down. Body to Body, Skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet and the longer its in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and it starts to sag. Its not what you think, its a fucking tea bag.

Not sure if their is right place for this, but I figured anyone interested would read it wherever I posted it. After completing (apart from some small cosmetics) my FJ refurb, I thought about giving it a brief shake-down ride to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything, or missed anything when putting it back together. What better way to do this shakedown than to take it on a 1200 mile road trip to Northern Ireland and back via the Lake District, Stranraer and Northumberland ?. We'd been promising our son (Ryan) a trip as his graduation present after finishing Uni, so with the time limitations we had and him wanting to see the Giants Causeway and visit Game of Thro…

Shhhhhh!!....... Don't tell anyone...... I'm gonna go down on you.... ...And you're gonna love it........... ........But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it........ ....Then I'm gonna come back up again and fuck you big time..... Lots of love, Petrol prices xx

f*ck me peeps, i hear all these horror stories about people having accidents on bikes most days, but i never fully understood the fear of it until last night.80 on the way back from halton, about 8pm as i came into newbury up a single road, lit by streetlights at 30mph (just before a speed camera), there was an oncoming car stationary, indicating to turn right across my lane into a driveway, now, being a cocky young shite i assumed he/she had seen me and carried on, as i got nearer the stupid tw*t started to turn, i shat myself, put the anchors on, locked the back wheel and braced for impact, thankfully i missed the back of the car by about 3 inches but f*ck me if it…

I do like Henry Cole and Sam whotshisname so this looks interesting http://www.radiotimes.com/episode/dhhc8s/shed-and-buried--series-1---episode-2

Shed of the year is on again. Have a looksey at some of the contenders http://www.readersheds.co.uk/share.cfm

Sad is the Shed Man - not What could be nicer than your own shed? Of course it depends on circumstances but, hopefully, all of us will end up with our own shed at some point. In today's world, more than ever, you need a retreat, not exactly a hide away, but your own space, surrounded by your own things, be that only stuff salvaged from the house, knick-knacks, bits and pieces and stuff rescued from the bin. This will inevitably, for the likes of us, include large quantities of motorbike bits, or as your other half probably thinks of it, 'that useless rusty old scrap'. If you are indeed blessed, you could even have one shed as a chill out zone, and with another for actua…

Harold Shipman's suicide note has been found. It reads - "I can't go on. I've run out of patience."

A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever…

this looks, erm, interesting more info and the funniest copy you ever heard

Well peeps I have recently been told off for writing terrible jokes on facebook, so i thought, why not start a thread and share my shite humour with the world? i will start the ball rolling here... --- What do you call cheese thats not yours?.... natcho cheese! What sort of cheese do you hide a horse in?... Mascaponi! I bought a memory foam mattress... cant remember where it is though! Spilled spot remover on my dog... now he's gone! Saw some brilliant shoes in a shop today, banana yellow, a very aPEALing colour! Canaries for sale, going cheep... Im in hospital, i ate what i thought was an onion but it turned out to be a daffodil bul…

Not expecting that http://uniladmag.com/video/shocking-anti-skipping-school-advert-disturbs-internet/

Shopper Discounts & Rewards Watch out for this lot of scumbags If you book anything online and you see this name come up at the end claiming they can save you £15 on your next booking or something just do nothing more you very likely will have booked your ticket and paid for it by then, My darling wife bought some National express tickets last April and unbeknown to me she clicked on this and claims it looked like a part of the booking service, anyway it looks like she re entered all the details of the debit card etc and they started taking £10 a month off our card, now she usually keeps a watch on the bank statements and gets down my neck for the paypal payment…

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in Oxford: Dear Mrs. Murray, While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares …

For the last few weeks I've been getting real bad tension headaches, but only when I'm working at the VDU, so I get a voucher from work and off down to SpecSavers (works choice not mine!) for the test. After poking me in the eye with a blast of air, half blinding me with a bloody flood light (well his torch thing!) he tells me I don't need specs to use a VDU - but I do for reading. I can sit on a night and read a book from cover to cover with no problems at all, ten minutes infron of a VDU and I can feel the strain - what the phook are these people on? I asked the optician, why then do I get strain? "you need spec's" but you've just said I don't, "yes you need t…

My wife thinks it's cute when the baby throws up on me. But when it's the other way round, she gets all huffy and accuses me of being drunk!!!

I am off course reffering to the "peacfull demonstration", aired on yesterdays news, where a group of fanatics hurled insults, abuse and slanderous accusations at the soldiers returning from a tour of duty. Then the organiser was interviewed on TVAM this morning - why do they give these vile people air time ? He even had the audacity to compare the soldiers (who have been training the Iraqis to look after themselves) to the Nazis under Hitler. It turns my stomach to think out taxes are helping to support this kind of scum. Thier actions were clearly likely to lead to a breach of the peace, so the police had the power to arrest them, why didn't they?? I can see …

OK. even though I always Sign Out before I leave the Forum Board... As soon as I hit my Bookmarked short-cut it comes up with me ALREADY signed In ? ? ? Wot ? ? It never used to do that. And all the other forums etc.. on my bookmark bar are fine. Confused...

not so long ago bwj and up yours made comments about me bwj said keep taking the tablets and up yours kev asked when did i lose the plot. the answer is today kev.i gave my bike a 12k service finishing of by changing the oil.i was pleased with having done a good job till i came to put away my tools and there was the new oil filter.

Hi Guys Just to let you know Beaulieu will be holding its annual Japanese only Event on Edited by ddt at the National Motor Museum. The event is in its 2nd year and it attracted over 700 Japanese Car Enthusiasts last year For the first time we will operate club dedicated parking, we haven't previously, this from feedback from Clubs. Ticket prices are £10.00 per adult and £5.00 per child (under 5's are free) and this will give access to the museum and all of the attractions at Beaulieu. If anyone would like to book a club area or would like further info please email Edit ddt