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i stopped myself from posting it up until now. Once Andrew posted that picture, i just had to.

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My more sedate humour...

Posted on a local for Sale Board

Jacket_zpsd631a56b.jpg

For Sale

Camouflage Jacket £50 ono

The guy states he has the trousers to match, but he can't find them at the minute

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Are they made by the "EMPEROR" clothing company by any chance ?

Do I really have to explain this ?

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A message from my number 1 son yesterday as he was going to Whitehaven to cycle from there to Tynemouth on a coast to Coast cycle ride (140 miles) to raise some money for charity;

"These people up north don't half talk funny. I only wanted a coffee and a cheese & ham toastie and she rambled on for 5 minutes about do I like bacon or ham?! X"

He set off on the ride early this morning and a text at 7:30 said it was tipping it down as they went to pedal off.

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An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."


The little girl, who had just started to a game on her phone, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"


"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.


"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"


The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"


And then she went back to playing on her phone.

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i stopped myself from posting it up until now. Once Andrew posted that picture, i just had to.

You can't blame me or ask me to share the blame with you just cos you're more warped than me!!
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On Sky News this morning:

"Back in 1611, Johannes Kepler said that the most efficient way to stack spheres such as oranges and melons was in a pyramid formation.

Now, 403 years later, academics have finally confirmed that his theory is correct.

Professor Thomas Hales from the University of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, thought he had cracked the problem back in 1998.

A 300-page proof was developed, which took 12 reviewers four years to check for errors.

But even then, it could only prove the theory was 99% correct.

So, in 2003, he began to create a computational tool to check the proof beyond all doubt.

Called the Flyspeck project, it uses two pieces of formal verification software. Given enough time, it can check the logic of complex mathematical theories.

This week, Prof Hales and his team announced that his 1998 proof had been scrutinised by the software, and proven correct.

He told New Scientist: "I suddenly feel 10 years younger.""

make's you wonder how we've managed :crazy:

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This picky of me won't make you laugh but it did make me smile with relief, a few hours before my neighbor took this picky of me cutting this tree down (his fucking tree I might add) it was well over 35ft high and about 20ft wide and was overhanging two fences that a good fart would have blown down. Anyway when I was 20ft or so up a ladder trying to cut out the top three thoughts crossed my mind, firstly- FFS why am I doing this, secondly - why didn't I wear my brown underpants and thirdly- I could have gone for a ride on my bike. anyway tree is cut down, the fences are still standing and I've just got a cold one from the fridge. I've decided that I'm getting too old for this sort of thing and that is defiantly the last tree that I am going to cut down.... well I suppose there is that one in my sons front garden and I did promise.....

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may be old, but...

557777183.jpg?1334056912

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This picky of me won't make you laugh but it did make me smile with relief, a few hours before my neighbor took this picky of me cutting this tree down (his fucking tree I might add) it was well over 35ft high and about 20ft wide and was overhanging two fences that a good fart would have blown down. Anyway when I was 20ft or so up a ladder trying to cut out the top three thoughts crossed my mind, firstly- FFS why am I doing this, secondly - why didn't I wear my brown underpants and thirdly- I could have gone for a ride on my bike. anyway tree is cut down, the fences are still standing and I've just got a cold one from the fridge. I've decided that I'm getting too old for this sort of thing and that is defiantly the last tree that I am going to cut down.... well I suppose there is that one in my sons front garden and I did promise.....

tree-mendous post :1poke:

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This picky of me won't make you laugh but it did make me smile with relief, a few hours before my neighbor took this picky of me cutting this tree down (his fucking tree I might add) it was well over 35ft high and about 20ft wide and was overhanging two fences that a good fart would have blown down. Anyway when I was 20ft or so up a ladder trying to cut out the top three thoughts crossed my mind, firstly- FFS why am I doing this, secondly - why didn't I wear my brown underpants and thirdly- I could have gone for a ride on my bike. anyway tree is cut down, the fences are still standing and I've just got a cold one from the fridge. I've decided that I'm getting too old for this sort of thing and that is defiantly the last tree that I am going to cut down.... well I suppose there is that one in my sons front garden and I did promise.....

Yer you dont want to be at logger heads with your son now, so you better not leaf it too much longer, but mind you he might twig that your not going to do it any time soon which might make him barking :eusa_whistle:

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don't worry, we'll all be rooting for you

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come on foams, don't beat around the bush!

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Got to agree with foams here. Time to branch out into pastures new with the puns - got to root out some fresh material and weed out the old [emoji39]

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