2 Wheels Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 Reebok have released new ultra tight cycling shorts for women called (mumblers), you can see the lips moveing but you cant make out what the cunts saying ! ! ! i'll get me coat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Cynic Posted December 11, 2010 Moderator Share Posted December 11, 2010 Little johnny is in school when the teacher asks for a story with meaning, Me me me says litle Johnny. Ok whats the story then say's teacher. Well, my uncle Bob flw fighters in the war, he got shot down in a battle but bailed out just in time. He had a hip flask a gun and a knife, nothing else. He drank the whisky on the way down in case he got hurt on the landing. When he did land he was surrounded by Gooks, got 9 of em with the gun but ran out of bullets. Clubbed some more with the but till it broke off. Did yet more of em with the knife but it snapped after 5 or 6 of em. He had to do the last few with his bare hands. The teacher, totally shocked asked with a shakey voice. 'What have you learned from this very traumatic tale?' Never, and i mean never cross uncle Bob when he's had a drink.............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barkwindjammer Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 A man gets up to find his wife with one of his socks in the frying pan, "what are you doing"? he asks , His wife says "I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came home drunk" Puzzled the man walks away thinking "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock" ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 Wheels Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 TWO BLONDE GENIES A WHITE GUY IS WALKING ALONG A bitch WHEN HE COMES ACROSS A LAMP PARTIALLY BURIED IN THE SAND. HE PICKS UP THE LAMP AND GIVES IT A RUB. TWO BLONDE GENIES APPEAR, AND THEY TELL HIM HE HAS BEEN GRANTED THREE WISHES. THE GUY MAKES HIS THREE WISHES AND THE BLONDE GENIES DISAPPEAR. THE NEXT THING THE GUY KNOWS, HE'S IN A BEDROOM, IN A GOLF-COURSEMANSION , SURROUNDED BY 50 BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. AFTER HE MAKES LOVE TO ALL OF THEM, HE BEGINS TO EXPLORE THIS FABULOUS HOUSE. SUDDENLY HE FEELS SOMETHING SOFT UNDER HIS FEET, HE LOOKS DOWN AND THE FLOOR IS COVERED IN $100 BILLS. THEN, THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. HE ANSWERS IT AND STANDING THERE ARE TWO PERSONS DRESSED IN KU KLUX KLAN OUTFITS. THEY DRAG HIM OUTSIDE TO THE NEAREST TREE, THROW A ROPE OVER A LIMB AND HANG HIM BY THE NECK UNTIL HE'S DEAD. AS THE KLANSMEN ARE WALKING AWAY, THEY REMOVE THEIR HOODS. IT'S THE TWO BLONDE GENIES. ONE BLONDE GENIE SAYS TO THE OTHER ONE, 'I CAN UNDERSTAND THE FIRST WISH HAVING ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN A BIG MANSION TO MAKE LOVE TO. I CAN ALSO UNDERSTAND HIM WANTING TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. BUT WHY HE WANTED TO BE HUNG LIKE A BLACK MAN IS BEYOND ME.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted January 28, 2011 Moderator Share Posted January 28, 2011 Rolf Harris is doing a charity song for the aussie flood victims Why,s me kangaroo drowned sport is expected too top the charts next week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted January 28, 2011 Moderator Share Posted January 28, 2011 My son got kicked out of school today Apparently in the maths lesson the teacher asked him If i gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanna , £5 too Claire and £5 too katie what would you have?? apparently 3 blow jobs and enough left for a kebab was the wrong answer ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have been told to get a good cup of tea you need to agitate the bag so every morning now when the wife is makng me tea I slap her across the ass and say 2 sugars ya fat cow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barkwindjammer Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 After both suffering depression for a while , me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday but strangely enough , once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better , so I thought Fuck it,,,,,,,soldier on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CORRIEBOY Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I went into the Shell gas station this morning and asked for five quids worth of gas. The clerk farted and gave me a receipt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 Wheels Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 An older couple , who were both widowed , had been going out with each other for a long time ....Urged on by their friends , they decided it was finally time to get married . Before the wedding , they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements , and so on . Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship . " How do you feel about s#x ?" he asked, rather tentatively . "I would like it infrequently ", she replied ...........The old gentleman sat quietly for a few moments , adjusted his glasses , leaned twords her and whispered . " Is that one word or two ?" ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator drewpy Posted February 6, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 6, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barkwindjammer Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 :lol: Gid yin der Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted February 7, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 7, 2011 THE correct insurance companies for sex are. SEX with your wife - Legal & General SEX with your future wife - Mutual Trust SEX with your secretary - Employers Liability SEX with a prostitute - Commercial Union SEX on the telephone - Direct Line SEX with your biographer - Quote me Happy SEX in a hurry - Insure & Go SEX with your boyfriend - Standard Life SEX with a transvestite - Confused.com SEX with someone different - Go Compare. SEX with an animal - Compare the meerkat SEX with a fat bird - More Than SEX on the back seat - Sheila's Wheels SEX with an O.A.P. - SAGA SEX with a posh bird - Privilege.com SEX with a sheep - Farmers Union Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted February 7, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 7, 2011 After having a 69 with his lass, Bob remembered he had a dentist appointment. Afraid the dentist would smell fanny on his breath, he brushed his teeth, used dental floss, a bottle of Listerine and ate a packet of extra strong mints. Feeling confident he sat in the dentists chair and opened his mouth. The dentist got close and asked "Did you have a 69 before you got here?" "How can you tell?" asked Bob "Does my breath still smell of fanny?" "No" replied the dentist "You have a skid mark on your forehead" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua2 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Rolf Harris is to release an 'Oz Aid' single on Friday for the victims of the Australian floods. It will be called - 'WHYS ME KANGAROO DROWNED SPORT?' :D ATB J2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua2 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Big Kevs (UP.YOURS) girlfriend has made him a lovely Valentines day card. Aaaahhhhhhhh. It was the best in her class. ATB J2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted February 11, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 11, 2011 .. Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub. The landlord says, "I can't let you in without a Thai." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted February 11, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 11, 2011 Big Kevs (UP.YOURS) girlfriend has made him a lovely Valentines day card. Aaaahhhhhhhh. It was the best in her class. ATB J2 Is it true she came home from school and said some one told me you are a paedophile and he said thats a big word for a 12 year old Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator DirtyDT Posted February 12, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 12, 2011 Why do women get married in white. So they match all the other kitchen appliances. ********************************************************* I was on top of this fat woman having s3x. I said to her "Do you mind if I turn the light off?" She replied "Why, are you shy?" "No" I said "It's just the ceiling light is burning my Ar5e!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua2 Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Is it true she came home from school and said some one told me you are a paedophile and he said thats a big word for a 12 year old When's bedtime at Big Kevs house? When the big hand touches the little hand. ATB J2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Cynic Posted February 12, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 12, 2011 Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocket for a make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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