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Lets see some music from back then, This was when we were on mopeds,

A bit of tarmac from the motorway being built down the road went into a bar and asked for a pint of lager. Two minutes later another bit of tarmac walked in and sat next to him on a barstool and also asked for a pint of lager. The second bit of tarmac said to the first, “Where do you come from then?” He replied, “I'm from the motorway” “Bleeding ell, you must be really hard to bear all that traffic especially heavy lorries” “Yeah pretty hard, where do you come from then?” asked the first. “I'm from the slipway” replied the second. “Well, you must still be hard to bear all the traffic coming on to the motorway” At that time a third bit of small tarmac entered the …

You know when you are browsing fleabay and come across something......................................... Some tasteful coat hooks

This is a story about the little tazer that could. (Not to be confused with the little engine that could). A gentleman submitted his product review regarding a little pocket tazer that he purchased as a gift to his wife. Below is his account of his whole "ordeal." Last weekend I saw something at Larry`s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary, and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat t…

I went to Tesco's and asked the price on thier burgers, Tesco girl said; '14 to 1' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Apparently thier Meat Balls are the Dog's B******* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hate to think whats in the cock-a-leekie. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, I ate my Tesco Burger and needed a sh*t, it was good to firm and soft in places.

Warning, Donot join the Tesco Dating Agency, You'll end up with a Bag for Life .

LINKY

Click on start, then scroll along , or click on page and roll down Mind blowing. http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap140112.html

Just seen "Holiday's are coming" ad for Coke. Crimbo countdown has started.

The Darwins are out !!!! it's that magical time of year again Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the m…

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a hit man," was the reply. "You're joking!" was the response. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telesc…

Well that's what it says in the Daily Mail today. LINKY I always knew the RD's were rapid!

if you want to stay in the UK. this is the test you need to pass www.realcitizenshiptest.co.uk

THE SENSITIVITY OF SENIORS This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office in West Vancouver after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today. Dear Lions Bay School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten …

As the dog sat watching the orchestra, he stared at the conductor and thought.. "Just throw the fucking thing."

Well we been having problems in the bed room, so she sends me to the docs to get checked out, but i don't think she was impressed when i came back with slimming pills! I know i should love her no matter what and i honestly can say i do.......i mean for example she fell down a set of steps in town the other day and i didn't even laugh........the pavement cracked up! tho thats different. I also think its bit bad that every time we go to make love she has to fart just to give me a clue, or a bit of talc is needed to show me where the damp patch is, but other than this its quite and adventure banging my wife because if i miss her glory box her elbow or knee is just as good…

If you choke a smurf what colour would he turn? Why do kamikaze pilots ware helmets? Why do they sterilize lethal injection needles?