Random

you pooped your pants at work and have to escape http://www.notranslation.com/files/smelly/

did this offend someone

I quite like it LINKY

Hey there peeps, Had a bit of an issue with the phone, its a Sony Xperia T and ive had it for about 9 months (its a 24 month contract), after updating to the new 9.1.A.140 firmware it has a abit of turning itself, if i turn it on and let it sit on the lock screen its fine, as soon as i unlock it the thing just shuts off without any warning. just wandered if anyone has haif so how they managed to get around it. no matter how many resets/restores i seem to do it is still fubar.

A very pretty young female speach therapist offered her three male clients a blow job if they could tell her where they live without stuttering. The first said. DDDDDDDDDUBLIN The second said. BBBBBBBBELFAST The third said. LONDON "Well done" she said and gave him a blow job. When she finished, he said. . . . . . . . . . . . . . DDDDDDDDDDERRY

things that are difficult to say when drunk 1.innovative 2.preliminary 3.proliferation 4.cinnamon things that are very difficult to say when drunk 1.specificity 2.anti-unconstitutionally 3.passive-aggressive disorder 4. transubstantiation things that are downright impossible to say when drunk 1.no thanks i am married 2. nope, no more booze for me 3.sorry but you're not really my type 4.no, i don't want to see your fanny 5.no , my cocks fine as it is i don't want you to suck it 6.no, please don't sit on my face ive got asthma

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-15595548

http://news.sky.com/story/1438456/canadians-asked-to-stop-spocking-bank-notes

This is a quick test for those with acute sight & perceptive skills. I think pilots should take no more than 12 seconds - fighter pilot qualified, no more than 5 or you've been blown out of the sky by a stealth fighter with an enemy flag on the tail. For anyone claiming 2-3 seconds, you qualify for the bar exam & will be a successful defence attorney for New York. If you can spot the cat within 15 seconds then you are great...... It is not behind the door…..It’s out in the open.... So obvious once you find it … so frustrating when you can’t!!!

...and why not? http://www.byronknoll.com/earth.html

my neibour was telling me he had all his washing stolen over the weekend. i nearly shit his pants

Now, you have to take this seriously - or else it doesn't work very well! This is a stress test. Make sure you read the instructions before viewing the dolphins! STRESS I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description then look at the picture. The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital.London. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences in the t…

Well its official " the wettest July [ in Scotland] since records begun, , west cost= 42 days rain out of the last 60. [june/july] East coast 34 days rain. only 9 days this summer has past 20 degrees, fkn awfull, dark and dismall . fire on every night this summer,,,

Can anyone help . . . has spring/summer been cancelled this year and I missed the notification. Looking out my window this weekend the scene is more like October than May!

trivia: what stroker is she stradling?

We have a "Blokes" thread and a "word association" thread so what about a swimming costume thread? Here is me (errrrrr or someone who looks quite like me) in mine. Where is yours?

Just got banned from the local swimming pool. I was bursting for the loo so i decided to take a cheeky slash in the deep end. Life guard must have noticed thow cos he blew his whistle. What a fleg i got ! very nearly made me fall in . . .

It was the Scotland/Wales rugby International weekend in Edinburgh and as the crowds made their way down Princes Street towards Murrayfield, a Rottweiler suddenly lunged towards an eight year old Scottish lass, with its jaws wide open ready to attack. The crowd nearby gasped in horror but, quick as a flash, a man in red jumped out of the crowd, grabbed the dog by the throat and throttled it. As the dead dog lay there, and the crowd cheered in admiration, a journalist from the Glasgow Herald who had witnessed the heroic deed, went up to the man and said, "That was brilliant, I can see the headline now - 'Welsh Rugby Fan Saves Young Girl From Certain Death'." …