Alan

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on ''The Sea''. Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testacles. (Kelly aged 6) Oysters balls are called pearls. (James aged 6) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne aged 7) I thinks sharks are ugly and mean and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie aged 6) A dolphin breathes through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy aged 8) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots and comes back with crabs (Millie aged 6) I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen aged 6) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher aged 7) My mum has fishnets but doesn't catch any fish. (Laura aged 5) When you go swimming in the sea, its very cold and it makes my willy small. (Kevin aged 8) A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of seamen inside. (Emma aged 5) When I grow up I want to be captain of a big ship and have lots of sailors. (Valerie aged 6) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky aged 8)

Hang 'em by the bollocks!

Wow! An authentic picture of Scotland. Was this the setting for Braveheart?

17 metres! About the same distance I can manage when I'm pissed!

You would have liked it. A brunette reclining on a bike completely starkers, very tasteful

I've had to change me avatar to something less offensive so I though f**k that and put the Gixer on instead!

Hi folks I hope you find some of these tips handy - hence the title 'Handy Tips. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view. Always poo at work. Not only do you save money on toilet paper, you'll get paid for doing it! WEIGHT WATCHERS. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**k**g thing in the first place you fat b*st**d! Recreate the fun of a visit to the swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it before jumping in. Don't buy expensive ribbed condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you slip it on. Anorexics. When your knees get fatter than your legs, start eating cake. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator! Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you're using steroids by running slower! High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Hopefully I'll get some of the lads from work to get over there.

No!

It weren't me who wanted the goddam tyres.

How come it's on a Monday?

It cost me an extra £40 to change insurance from me Gixer to me Exup. £125 tpft.

RRRIIIIINNNNGGGG DDDIIIINNNNGGGG DDDIIIINNNNGGG!

If I wanted wheels that small I'd buy a pair of rollerskates BLOODY HAIRDRIERS

A mate of mine bought a hamster and some cellotape. Wrapped the hamster in cellotape. So it didn't split when he sh*gg*d it!

If thats true WHOO HOO!

Whats a coonass

I can see where u are coming from and I agree go for a bigger bike. I always thought that super motards were BIG crossers with race tyres. You'll be limited to tyre size etc with RD wheels.

If you mean fun like freezing your b*ll*cks off and getting piss wet through - I've been there and got the f**king T shirt. I've had my fill of falling off in the wet and, after 28 years, getting cold and wet no longer appeals. Don't get me wrong if it rains while I'm out well tough shit I've got to ride BUT I can't see the point of taking 15 minutes to get me bike out and get all me gear on to go 10 minutes to work!

If I ain't at a bike race meeting I shall probably be there. Stamford ain't too far.

I've just had the renewal through for me car £289 fully comp. I went on the interweb to see if I could get it any cheaper. Morethan definitley live up to their name £655.00

I've got to admit I don't ride mine all year round - getting too old for that - but it's ridden hard and fast when I do take it out!