mervin

reply from another jock on another forum

A Guide to jockland... Geology Scotland didn’t exist until the Emperor Hadrian, correctly identifying the threat from Scandinavia (only 6 or 7 centuries too early) had a defensive wall built along the northern shoreline of what would later become England. His Sappers tipped the spoil from digging out the foundations of the wall in to the sea, and this spoil gradually settled to become land. The weight of the spoil disturbed the underlying geology off the sea-bed, resulting in unique deposits welling up through the settling land-mass. These included the spunk off long-dead dinosaurs, which rose through the earth to form porridge bogs; and dinosaur fat - rendered by the pressure of the earth above - which bubbled up to create Lard Geysers. Both these came to play a key role in the diet of the people who came later. People No-one is exactly sure where the people who came to be known as ‘Scots’ came from , but modern Anthropologists speculate they may have come from the cross-breeding of dwarf Neanderthals with a now extinct species off particularly vicious Orang-Utangs resulting in the small, gingerish race which now inhabits Scotland. Possibly driven out of more civilised cultures, the ‘Scots’ arrived in Scotland and began to populate it. As TV had not yet been invented, the ‘Scots’ favourite pass-time was incest and so they lived in big family groups called ‘clans’ just to make getting a shag easier. Kings From earliest times Scotland has been ruled by whoever could shout ‘let’s kill the English ********’ the loudest. Previous kings of Scotland have included Sean the Wifebeater, Mel the Gibson, King Harry of Lauder and Alexfurgy the Mad. All the kings have had the same consort from time immemorial, Princess Susan of Boyle (alternating Wednesdays and afternoon matinees she may be replaced by Princess Janet of Krankies. Religion From earliest times the ‘Scots’ have been natural Catholics as they enjoy many of the same foibles as Rome, i.e. dressing in women’s type clothing, talking unintelligible drivel, and molesting small children. However, some have broken away to form a counter-religion, and now the two main religions in Scotland are called ‘Rangers’ and ‘Celtic’. Dress The ‘Scots’ distinctive national dress developed from the desire to easily rise and go to the ‘Brew’ to sign-on. Consequently they would get out of bed, draping their blanket around themselves and head out of the door. This developed in to the ‘kilt’, which also catered to the ‘Scots’ predilection for cross-dressing. Wearing a skirt also made it easier to molest small animals and sheep. The ‘Scots’ persisted in wearing skirts until the gentle civilising influence of the English made many ‘Scots’ realise that cross-dressing was not really on. Culture There are many cultures in Scotland, the majority being treatable with antibiotics. The only incurable one is called ‘golf’, which results in the sufferer wearing loud clothes, lying, and driving around in a small clown car. Food Before the potato was brought back from the New World, the Scots diet consisted almost exclusively of porridge dug from the porridge bogs, and Haggis, a small wild animal related to the Treacle Badger. Their main drink, ‘whisky’, is actually Haggis ****. Single ‘malt’ whisky is taken from older, wilier Haggis which are more difficult to catch, hence the commensurate rise in cost. Following the introduction of the potato, the ‘Scots’ discovered that dipping them in the Lard Geysers resulted in them becoming fried. By cutting potatoes in to small pieces to speed cooking time, the ‘chip’ was invented, and this is now the staple food. In recent times many non-indigenous food-stuffs have been imported in to Scotland, but all are, by tradition, fried. National income. Comes from taking spams on a haggis shoot. Sport. No sport to talk about. But they do try to emulate other countries by attempting to copy football and rugby. Exports The main exports from Scotland are: Swearing, fighting, shouting unintelligibly, whisky, soldiers, loud golfing clothes.

TBH yes it is a classic i reckon just an over grown Fizzy really merv

To rob this hairdresser russian hairdresser robbed

:D :D :lol: :lol:

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk. The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, We can't tell you because you're not a monk. The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk? The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for.. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth. The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk .... We shall now show you the way to the sound. The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key ? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,... ....silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door .. The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight. ... But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk. DON'T SWEAR AT ME; I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO STARTED THIS ! But I bet you send it on

I am having a feeling of DEJAVU here just read this on classic bike forum methinks, sorry i cannot help ya though

REPLACE THE THROTTLE CABLE that will most likely cure your problem and save the faffing about with mixing the fuel and oil, and the rest of it possibly on the way out anyhow which could fail and leave ye with a broken cable and having to call recovery or push it home If only life was so simple. you cannot just disconnect it as the pump will seize and cause you problems, 1 . remove pump and fit blanking plate 2 , fit a piece of pipe too pump inlet and outlet and fill with oil, to circulate oil,

Plymouth Megacrawl from what i have heard, and the old bill with tickets at the ready when you leave. they had one guy from cornwall a couple of years ago cos he had and IOM plate on his bike, and they did not like the look of the 3 legs of man on it

hey Wayne welcome mate , where you to in Kernow, there is a new training guy starting in the st austell area soon and he would be happy to give you a refresher course i am sure, Kernow training tell him Merv sent you Merv

sounds like the clutch plates have stuck together to me, not quite sure how you would go about clearing em on a heavier bike ,but on the RD,s etc i bump start em and ride along with the clutch pulled in applying the back brake until it clears, and i have the advantage of being in the country on very quiet roads, if you cannot bump start it you maybe able to get it in gear by getting it running down hill before you try to engage first

Yes but i would not do it all the time though stick with semi synth, do not however use a castor base oil mixed wih any other oil it will turn into a jelly

Yes another person i shall never meet now Simon Milward,He was a great representative for biking and the bike community, His work with MAG etc was great Merv

Well i suppose we can all take the piss but they are doing something very few of us will ever do guzzioverland i was privileged to meet and personally talk to Sam Manicom earlier this year , and listen too a few of his adventures and see some of his pictures, and most probably would never do it myself , but he did it all on his own over 8 years, no film crew to or people cut his toenails and put the make up on for him, and no one would publish his books because he was not famous enough so he did it himself and they are selling well

Well funny you should say that we had a thread on the aircooled forum the other day, what is the worst bike you ever owned and most of em where Suzukis,

Suzuki D.U.M.P. :D :lol: :blink:

Rather than go into too much myself i will say take a look Here and if you need a dating certificate Paul on the aircooled forum can issue one for you merv

you will drink halfs in france they never have pint glasses apart from the ferry ports

If you got it from a dealer they should have had the V5 and it should have been sent back to DVLA to be registered in your name by them if the V5 is lost then you should be able to get the new with the new keeper slip i think without paying the £25 , Explain to the insurance the dealer never sent the V5 in you ares till waiting for it, Is the VIN on the new keeper slip, It maybe that the VIN and engine number are the same merv

Yes the tour is a nightmare people camp in their camper vans beside the road for days in advance to get a good spot and it is over in minutes

Never bothered unles it is a simple swap like RD250 to 350 just swapping barrels, but anything is possible there is a FS1e with a RD400 engine in around and one with a 350 ypvs in it, but at the end of the day you will get stung for insurance and all the messing around it will be cheaper just too sell it and get the bigger bike unless you are a glutton for punishment. One of the lads on the RD forum got a silly insurance quote the other day because his RD 200 Had a 125 engine in it insurance companies do not like modified things

Phone Damerells i have always found them fair Merv

This is kinda weird cos if it is on the askmid how can they say they cannot find the reg number ,as for a V5 never being issued, bull shit , it would have to be issued to get the reg number yes the engine number should match the engine number on the V5 as should the frame number, all yamahas come from the factory with engine numbers and frame numbers identical so if they differ you know the engine has been changed,

Even the zorsts where handmade by a member