mervin

Tis crap Foamy been around for years nothing near accurate

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise. Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise. Haynes: This is a snug fit. Translation: You will skin your knuckles! Haynes: This is a tight fit. Translation: Not a hope in hell matey! Haynes: As described in Chapter 7... Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox. Haynes: Pry... Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into... Haynes: Undo... Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size). Haynes: Retain tiny spring... Translation: "Ping... what the hell was that? Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb... Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part. Haynes: Lightly... Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot be considered "lightly". Haynes: Weekly checks... Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it! Haynes: Routine maintenance... Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be! Haynes: One spanner rating. Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to bugger it up? Haynes: Two spanner rating. Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teeny,weeny number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you). Haynes: Three spanner rating. Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days and that your AA cover includes Home Start. Haynes: Four spanner rating. Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you? Haynes: Five spanner rating. Translation: OK - But don't ever carry your loved ones in it again and don't mention it to your insurance company!! Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this... Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Haynes: Compress... Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage. Haynes: Inspect... Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"! Haynes: Carefully... Translation: You are about to cut yourself! Haynes: Retaining nut... Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust. Haynes: Get an assistant... Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know. Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed. Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs. Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal. Translation: But you swear in different places. Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs... Translation: Snap off... Haynes: Using a suitable drift... Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift! Haynes: Everyday toolkit Translation:RAC Card & Mobile Phone Haynes: Apply moderate heat... Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.

Bugger not good Jimmy, I hope she gets well soon ,

Lisa (Goff) is stil maried to Mark, and has moved to Yorkshire a couple of years ago for work, she now has a job in wilshire to move to , not sure if they are moving south lock stock and barrel or what, but they are happily building custom bikes together and partying with their goth freinds

I checked his facebook page just now and no updates

he wife came out of the bathroom and said: “I have just given myself a Brazillian and you know what that means don't you”? I said. “Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again”! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10 Catholic Priests were killed in a road accident. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says. If any of you are Paedophiles, you can F@ck off down to HELL Nine of them start to walk away when St Peter calls out. “And take this deaf b@st@rd with you”. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring the size of my manhood. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A young girl walks into a supermarket and on her way round she sees stacking washing powder boxes on the shelves was the bloke who had his wicked way with her the previous evening after they had met in a pub. "You lying toad" she yells" last night you told me you were stunt pilot" "No" he says "I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You're a MILK," I said to my wife. "It's MILF, dickhead!" she laughed. "It's not," I said. "I want to kill you, not xxxx you." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just had a Gipsy at the door selling Lucky Heather. When I refused he tried to sell me Blow Job Brenda.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night. "My mate came off his motorbike today." he said. "Oh really?" I asked. "Yes," he replied, "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye." "Blimey," I said, "No wonder he came off it then. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is an ageing biker called Tony and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the Tony and asks, "Can you top that?" Tony replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there............" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was walking in the woods when I saw a "No Dumping" sign. So where do they expect the bears to shit then? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was checking into my hotel today and the guy in front of me said to the receptionist, ''I hope the porn channel is disabled '' ..... i though christ theres some sick people out there.. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The star of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, Melissa Joan Hart, has admitted in her autobiography that she had experimented with lesbianism and hallucinogenics. It explains a lot really. . . . . . I always wondered why she lived with two 'Aunts' and used to talk to a cat. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So if the 'white widow' Samantha Lethwaite DID die a martyr in the Nairobi shopping mall attacks, is she now being gang-banged by 72 male muslim virgins? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Apparently the Kenyan terrorists rented a shop in the Nairobi shopping mall. Didn't anyone wonder why the xxxx there was an everything must go firework shop open in the middle of September ? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Miss World has been won by the contestant from the Thailand . She was so excited that she could barely conceal her erection. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prince William has cancelled a trip to Nairobi due to the shopping centre seige, Kate said whats the point if we cant go shopping ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Last night my mate fell asleep on the couch and got a rude awakening this morning. I told him breaking into DFS was a bad idea. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HEALTH MESSAGE: 1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. 2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat. 3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. 4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ..yet lives for 450 years. AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE! I'm retired, go around me!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- According to a recent scientific study, the best way to avoid being killed by a shark is by poking it in the eyes. Not that I class myself as smarter than scientists, but I think I will stick to my current tactic of living in Huddersfield. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I can't believe that Irish serial killer the police have just arrested. He slashed 25 boxes of corn flakes before he got caught! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Feather cluckers understand a spoonerism ----------------------------------------------------------------------- GET AWAY with fly-tipping by leaving your junk outside charity shops. Top it off with an old board game for authenticity. TRAIN COMPANIES. Simply suffix your train times with '-ish' to avoid so many complaints WOMEN. Save time and money on cinema visits. Despite initial impressions, they do fancy each other and will get together CIGARETTE makers. Have you considered those scary pics on the packet are bad for business? How about a nice pair of t*ts? AVOID chips on your windscreen by not leaving your car parked near the kebab shop on a Saturday night. INTERROGATORS. If you need someone to talk, turn the TV to a programme I want to watch. Works every f**king time in this house BANK ROBBERS. Next time you're on a 'job' wear a tutu, snorkel & nappy so the people who do the reconstruction look like tw*ts. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My girlfriend being the romantic sort just sent me a text.....,,,,,,,,, If you are sleeping send me your dreams. If you are laughing send me your smile. If you are eating send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying send me your tears. I love you x I replied....... I am having a shit. What do I do?.... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BBC: Burial space could run out in 20 years Hope this doesn't lead to panic dying... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I bumped into Paul Weller the other day. He was saying The Jam's success had taken him completely by surprise.They'd originally started out as a Marmalade tribute band. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If David Cameron and Nick Clegg where drowning and you could only save one of them , Which pub would you go to ?

Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night. "My mate came off his motorbike today." he said. "Oh really?" I asked. "Yes," he replied, "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye." "Blimey," I said, "No wonder he came off it then.

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is an ageing biker in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the old fella and asks, "Can you top that?" The tough old biker replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there............"

Solder it

Reminds me of our old local Yam dealer Les Smale, he said al Japanese television engineers carry a rubber mallet , the first thing they do with a non working telly is clout it with the mallet to see if it works again

Try a modern master cylinder , you will have a either 5/8" or 14 mm master cylinder on the XS i reckon , it will be written underneath, also have you stripped the claiper to make sure everything is free and sliding moving as it should

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered awhile this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?" The people were totally dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland. "You are truly a very wise Vet," they said. "How on earth did you know we got the cow from Scotland? The Vet replied with a far-away distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wife: 'I've eaten so much salad on this diet I'm beginning to look like a rabbit'. Husband: 'It's a pity you didn't f&ck like one'. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I asked the wife 'What do you want for your birthday'? 'Something money can't buy'. Now where the xxxx am I going to get a sense of humour from..

Police in Liverpool pulled a car over today & were amazed, it was taxed, insured & wasn't stolen. There were no drugs or weapons in the car, it wasn't an illegal Taxi & the driver had a full valid driving licence with no points & he wasn't pissed or stoned. A police spokesperson said they had no choice other than fining the driver for wasting Police time!!!

stuff that old bollox this is how to do it

was there about 8.45am til the end that was my red RD400 among the white and orange ones on the rd club stand/area . yes Drewps got a family ticket to Haynes , awarded by Cheesy the organiser for plastering the event all over the internet , and setting up the facebook page etc

Twas a good day, and another person i missed , ah well next time

Jacques if you have the reg number then go to https://www.taxdisc.direct.gov.uk/EvlPortalApp/app/home/intro?skin=directgov and click on vehicle enquiry enter reg number and make of machineto see if it still on the DVLA register , if it is priont out and fill out the V62 form and send it with £25 to DVLA and they will issue you with the V5

Press release by Haynes Motor Museum:- FESTIVAL OF CLASSIC JAPANESE BIKES AT HAYNES INTERNATIONALMOTOR MUSEUM Haynes International Motor Museum in Sparkford will be hosting ‘Jap-Fest’ – a celebration of classic Japanese motorbikes on Sunday, September 15th. Organised by the Taunton and Bridgwater section of the Vintage Japanese MotorCycle Club, the event is a one day festival celebrating vintage and classic motorcycles of Japan. The show is expected to attract up to 300 motorcycles and will be held under cover in two large halls within the museum. There will be classic and vintage Japanese motorcycles from the earliest examples in this country up to the modern but classic motorcycles of the last 15 years including racers, trials, tourers, mopeds, drag bikes, six cylinders, big fours, two stroke triples, all makes and all designs. Festival organiser Nick Watson said: “It’s a fantastic opportunity to discover Japanese motorcycles you have never seen before and names you didn’t even know existed! “You will be able to see where the modern Japanese motorcycle of today started and plot its course down through the years. “Club displays of all the Japanese makes and models, plus private entries will fill the halls and make for an informative and fun day out for everyone to enjoy. “Visitors will be able to talk to the owners about the bikes and restorations, see the bikes they either had in their youth or always wanted to have and get information on the clubs. It is an event not to be missed,” he added. Included in the admission price is also access to Haynes International Motor Museum the UK’s largest exhibition of the greatest cars from around the world with over 400 amazing cars and bikes, from nostalgic classics of the 50’s and 60’s, glorious Bentleys and Rolls Royce’s to exciting super cars like the Jaguar XJ220. There will also be outside auto jumble and trade stands, and the Motorcycle Mezzanine, which is part of the new development of Haynes International Motor Museum, will also be open. The 330-square-metre display is a permanent home for the museum’s two-wheeled collection of around 70 motorbikes which include motorcycles from around the world and the Forshaw Speedway Collection – the world’s largest and most complete speedway display. • The Classic Motorcycle Japfest is on Sunday, September 15th at Haynes International Motor Museum, Sparkford, Nr. Yeovil, Somerset, BA22 7LH. For details call 01963 442783 or visit www.haynesmotormuseum.co.uk Issued by Haynes International Motor Museum. For more information or to arrange interviews/pictures or filming opportunities please contact Clair Holt on 01963 442783 or email: [email protected] http://www.haynesmotormuseum.co.uk/

Not cheap again but Wemoto sell new tubes for the XT £112 each http://www.wemoto.com/bikes/yamaha/xt_125_x/05/ or for a £100 are these any good http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Yamaha-XT125-Forks-11129-/130685898306?pt=UK_Motorcycle_Parts_13&hash=item1e6d7c8e42

Yes pull the plugs see if you have a spark , if the plugs are wet then fuel is getting to the cylinders , I am not recommending this stuff just put the pic here for the laugh

Yes the boats have to be good fun i reckon

Jimmy is at this moment filing out his application to mave to avon and somerset

With a rosser behind the hadlebars you bet it is , if it is a french gendarme or police biker , then just give up ,Give em R800 bmw and they will pass you on the inside as you are getting your knee down, you might stanbd a chance of out running the honda vision or XR250 on the straight though

Nicked from south west bikers , I know Pilningas and a few otehrs are from bristol area so thought theymay like to know Looks like the local police might have a new weapon on their fleet. Just turned onto the A358 after coming back across from Wheddon Cross and a mile or so up the road towards Taunton we seen some blue flashy lights. As we neared it was two bikes, and the one with blue flashy lights was a plain grey BMW GS 1200 kitted out with aluminium panniers etc etc. A plain grey GS isn't going to arouse too much suspicion if it creeps up behind you and I'm the blue lights were in the same position as DRL's. Play safe out there boys and gals ETA. Looks like they might have a couple according to this.......... http://www.avonandsomerset.police.uk/in ... 967217.pdf" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;