Just got the FJ put back together and though now would be a good time to see if it ran ok, check the oil - ok check timing marks are right - ok check it has fuel - ok, general look round it to make sure everything was in the right place and hit the starter button, fired right up BIG SMILE yippee it lives, but hang on what's that strange hissing noise? Look down and I am up to my ankles in oil a LARGE puddle I might add, WHAT THE F**K is that? Do you think you can find the off switch when your mind has gone into overload !! How do I turn this thing off? Finally got it off and dropped to the floor to see what was going on and guess what numb nut's here has forgotten to tighten the bloody oil filter up to the right torque OH FFS!!! So tomorrow it's out with the mop and bucket plus about 400 yards of paper towels to try to clean the floor of the garage. So if your about to start your bike after 3 months of rebuilding it PLEASE check you have done the poxy filter up properly, I cannot believe that I forgot this I mean how often do you leave the filter cover loose for God's sake? Going to go and have a long sulk now as SWMBO is less than sympathetic that I have thrown £40 worth of oil over the floor.

This might make you feel bit better.

I did an oil change on my CB750. Flushed and drained the engine, filter off, new one in, cover done up nice and tight. Poured in the fresh oil, and poured, and poured, and poured . Noticed oil all over the floor, bent down to look at the filter cover, noticed the sump plug wasn't in place. I'd only forgotten to replace it after I drained the engine .

And yes, Her indoors had about as much sympathy (fell about laughing and told all my mates).

I had just put the petrol tank back on my Virago after stripping the carbs, when the better half opened the kitchen door into the garage to tell me dinner was ready, I'll just put in some petrol and try her I says, F**k in my rush to eat I hadn't connected the fuel pipe to the tank, was I in the dog house, not only did the house smell of petrol for ages apparently the petrol vapor had ruined the meal.

been there done that, typical YOC style never got the T shirt

typical YOC style never got the T shirt

Hahahahaha, good one Tommo

I was emptying a 2 stroke tank a few weeks ago, put a bottle on the end of the pipe to take the oil, got distracted and the bottle overflowed until the tank was empty. Ended up with a lot of oil on the floor. After a newspaper clean up I scrubbed the floor with gunk. Came up very nice, thank you. Bl00dy messy to clear up though.

Thank you all I feel much better now, you lot made me laugh so there's always a sunny side! Today I get to polish the garage floor, who said life wasn't interesting?

Cat litter is good for the spills. I don't have a cat nor any cat litter but will pick up a value bag next time I remember. Newspaper doesn't seem as absorbent as I remember. I don't know why but it seems to spread the oil a lot more. I was going to use one of my old shirts on my spill but bri-nylon isn't very good either.

Years ago when I was still fairly new-ish to bikes, I was at home with the future Ttaskmistress. I was going to ride over to a friend's place and watch movies, as she was going out for the night. All nicely dressed up too, she was...
I thought I'd give the bike a quick oil check and top-up. She leaned out and asked if I'd do the same for hers. These bikes had no centrestand, so I was using a block of wood. Ttaskmistress didn't approve, so she insisted I held her bike up while she got down (in her nice clothes) and checked the oil herself. Quick top up... bit more... bit more... "OK that'll do. Start her up", she says...

I look down and ask if she wants to put the filler cap back on first.
No, says she. You don't need it on when you're just running the engine... We argue about this for a bit, but she insists that she knows more than me.
Women are always right... right?

I gun the engine and a FOUNTAIN of warm black oil erupts from out the filler port. Several seconds pass as we both realise what's happening, before I finally switch the engine off.
The Mrs is absolutely *covered* in oil, her nice outfit ruined, her bike dripping with the stuff, the road awash with it... I even have a few drops on my hand!!

So she went and showered, grabbed a new outfit and went out for the evening while I spent the remaining hours of sunlight scrubbing bike and tarmac clean.

She made me swear a sacred oath, upon all my swords and the graves of anyone even vaguely related to me, to never speak of this event to anyone... so now most of Reading knows!!

CAT LITTER, Why didn't I think of that? Got 3 cat's and enough litter to soak up the North sea, going to be a smelly clean up but better than old towels and rags or even the trusty paper towel route I was going to follow.

Oh you meant NEW cat litter !! Cat turds don't seem to soak up oil, you learn something new every day don't you?

Thanks DT.

.....Oh you meant NEW cat litter !! Cat turds don't seem to soak up oil, you learn something new every day don't you?

Thanks DT.

That is just, plain, wrong!

CAT LITTER, Why didn't I think of that? Got 3 cat's and enough litter to soak up the North sea, going to be a smelly clean up but better than old towels and rags or even the trusty paper towel route I was going to follow.

Oh you meant NEW cat litter !! Cat turds don't seem to soak up oil, you learn something new every day don't you?

Thanks DT.

I got home from work hot sweaty and knackered, read this and am now cheered up, slice you just made my day.

No problem mate just doing my bit to get a smile a day!!!

Cat turds don't seem to soak up oil, you learn something new every day don't you?

You have to dry them out first. Leave them in the sun for about 3 days and you should be good.

Dried dog turds are better, though. Try and get the white chalky ones. A lot of people like to reminisce about how you don't see them any more, how they were a 'thing' from the 70s and 80s... but having started our dogs on a raw food diet, which includes raw meat on the bone, I can verify that white turds are still possible.

If you want, I have an inexhaustible supply of white turd, for all your oil-soaking needs.

Free to anyone willing to come collect...!

Thanks mate very generous of you, but I hope you won't be offended if I decline the offer.

You have to dry them out first. Leave them in the sun for about 3 days and you should be good.

Dried dog turds are better, though. Try and get the white chalky ones. A lot of people like to reminisce about how you don't see them any more, how they were a 'thing' from the 70s and 80s... but having started our dogs on a raw food diet, which includes raw meat on the bone, I can verify that white turds are still possible.

If you want, I have an inexhaustible supply of white turd, for all your oil-soaking needs.

Free to anyone willing to come collect...!

You should put it on fleabay, people buy all sorts of shit there and that sounds like top quality shit to me - just a thought.

Allright we need a name for "TASKYS TURDS" so he can sell them on ebay, I'm going with this anyone else have a suggestion? Oh and if this takes off I want a cut (money!!) after meatloaf of course as it was his idea.

I'm already trading as Steve's Soakaways, actually.

Tax returns are awkward, as I have to prove I make no profit.

You should put it on fleabay, people buy all sorts of shit there

guilty.

You have to dry them out first. Leave them in the sun for about 3 days and you should be good.

Chances are, somewhere someone on this forum has read this and is probably going to try it, part of me wants to see if it will work, part of me is trying to convince the other part of me that no matter how i look at it i am still going to be crouched in the street playing with a dog turd, its like being a child all over again.

Chances are, somewhere someone on this forum has read this and is probably going to try it, part of me wants to see if it will work, part of me is trying to convince the other part of me that no matter how i look at it i am still going to be crouched in the street playing with a dog turd, its like being a child all over again.

Of course it will work.

You get the white stuff and if it's dry enough, you crumble it into the spilled fluid, mash it around and leave for a couple of days. Return at the point where it's almost completely dry and just peel it off, taking the spill with it.

It's all here in this handy pocket-sized pamphlet...