~~Daily Feed, post what made you laugh today ~~

[wild foamy]

It can only be a matter of time before Boris Johnson's mum comes forward and tells us that she was raped by Jimmy Savile in 1963.

Rolf Harris has been reported for doing 2 little boys in the seventies now

Reading back through from Page 1, this caught my eye........... is there anything else you'd like to predict??

Hey Merv, pm me next weeks lottery numbers? ta much x

[mervin]

Hey Merv, pm me next weeks lottery numbers? ta much x

Now if i could predict the lottery numbers would i be sitting here typing this , no i woukd be sitting in some exotic place, surrounded by brolly dollies drinking Doombar

[Noise]

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/35kg program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine..."

[sniff6]

[Sacha]

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/35kg program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine..."

LMFAO!

[slice]

Don't tell me YOUR GIRL number 2 Sacha??

[wild foamy]

Don't tell me YOUR GIRL number 2 Sacha??

Hmm... i guess i could do with loosing 10kg...

[dzish]

[sniff6]

This video shows the steps to build a Foot Powered (Treadle) Lathe.

Interesting Video...

[drewpy]

.......and that made you laugh?

[jimmy]

It didn't make me laugh, but as someone who used to do some woodturning, I certainly enjoyed it. Good find

[dt502001]

A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow, worried about her husband's
temper and threatening manner.

The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?

The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every
time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'."

The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When
your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water
and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't
swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."

Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
She says: "Doctor that was brilliant! Evrae time ma hubbie came home
drunk, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch
me even once! Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? How's the water do that?"

The Doctor says: "Janet, it's really nae big secret. The water does
bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."

[slice]

OK! I have to agree that it is cool and even skilful BUT did not laugh! nor can I see what is wrong with just buying a new stick for his chisel? Don't get me wrong admirable but SNIFF you really need to get out more!!

[sniff6]

OK! I have to agree that it is cool and even skilful BUT did not laugh! nor can I see what is wrong with just buying a new stick for his chisel? Don't get me wrong admirable but SNIFF you really need to get out more!!

True it didn't make me laugh either,But i couldn't be arsed to start a new thread and i did find it interesting.Just wish i was as good at woodwork..

[mervin]

Meanings of 'GIRLS' NAMES:
Ada - Blue haired, smells of wee.
Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs
Alison - Bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Amanda - I.Q. tends to be smaller than bra size. A good shag though.
Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted.
Andrea - Small breasts, drinks pints.
Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually foun hanging around toilets.
Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.
Annette - She's BIG.
Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.
Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance.
Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - Repressed alcoholic.
Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca - Ginger.
Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.
Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.
Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.
Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears.
Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Claire - Usually neurotic, gives good head, can have lesbian tendencies.
Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.
Daisy - Virgin.
Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.
Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.
Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.
Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society.
Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.
Doris - Purple haired, stinks of wee.
Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths.
Elizabeth - Born to rock, hates chickens.
Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth
Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Faith - Legs met at knees, can't shag standing up.
Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.
Felicity - She'll stab you with her nipples, plays darts.
Fiona - Female mud wrestler, gives head.
Francine - French.
Gabrielle - French too.
Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day.
Gaynor - Lesbian.
Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.
Georgina - Wants to be a man.
Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Heather - Shags like a freight train, a screamer.
Helen - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn.
Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins.
Hilary - Frigid.
Holly - ly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Isabelle - necessary on a bicycle?
Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.
Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.
Jane - Babe, I'd drink her bath water.
Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jemma - Does , wears too much eye make-up.
Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jessica - Virgin, always will be.
Joanne - Moans in her sleep, can't cook, moans when she wakes up - I wouldn't!
Jordan - Ha ha ha ha ha - nuff said.
Judith - Big eyes, big tits
Judy - Huge tits, married to an arse.
Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes
Justine- Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.
Julie - Jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant.
Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Kate - see Catherine.
Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.
Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig.
Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.
Kylie - Can't sing but who cares - BOING !!!!!!!
Kym - Illiterate parents - see Kim.Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.
Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive.
Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.
Linda - Teenage bride, can swallow oranges whole.
Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.
Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.
Liz - Long legged and brainey.
Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet jellybabies
Louise/a - Phwoooorrrrrrrrrr, Boing Boing Boing.
Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.
Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.
Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.
Maria - Bangs like a barn door.
Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martina - Ugly lesbian.
Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits.
Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Mary - had a little lamb.
Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.
Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melissa - Eats dogs, been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.
Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.
Marsha - Big butt, small brain.
Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.
Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners.
Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial.
Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair.
Olive - Oily skin, oils up well.
Olivia - Neutron bomb.
Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Pat - Butt ugly lesbian.
Paula - Transvestite merchant banker for Basildon.
Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes men to be stiff.
Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.
Petra - Dead dog.
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her cheeks.
Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rhonda - Help me, help me.
Rosalind - Whahey, nuff said. Maybe 10 years ago.
Rose - Can be ly, good head giver
Roseanne - ERRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Rula - She measures up well.
Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.
Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children.
Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.
Sarah - Likes pressed flowers and body piercing.
Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Shania - What?
Sharon - Shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers.
Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Wurly whole, likes bananas.
Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.
Sinitta - who?
Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a "carrier"
Sophie - Brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset.
&Stacey -Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.
Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave.
Tanya - Hot minx, too short.
Tara - Upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals.
Tiffany - who?
Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - Lives under a hedge, can't water ski.
Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear.Loves kittens.
Tracey - Lesbian.
Ulrika - ka ka ka ka ka ka ka ka.
Ursula - Likes puppies, in curry.
Vicky- Likes Yoga. And Women.
Wendy - Possibly a man.
Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.
Zandra - Strange appearance, eats guinea pigs dipped in chocolate.

[bippo]

I see Sacha got off lightly with those name meanings... I'm just going to go and cry in a corner... Lol!

[slice]

Ok Mervin, how did you get my address book???

[mervin]

Ok Mervin, how did you get my address book???

Borowed it from Foamy

[wild foamy]

And thats just my dogging contacts

[mervin]