~~Daily Feed, post what made you laugh today ~~

[mervin]

Longest Nerve In The Body
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that
connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving
people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your arse and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.

[mike1949]

Longest Nerve In The Body

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that

connects the eyeball to the anus?

.

That explains why whenever I try and sneak up behind the missus and slip her one she then lies on her back.

[mervin]

A banker, a Daily Mail reader and a benefit claimant are sitting at a table sharing 12 biscuits.

The banker takes 11 and says to the Daily Mail reader: "Watch out for the benefit claimant, he wants your biscuit".

[DirtyDT]

Whilst driving into work this morning I saw a bloke on a unicycle riding through the snow. Barking!

[mervin]

[Airhead]

:lol:

[NEV]

Well where else could it be?

[dt502001]

haha pick em up how easy http://video.ca.msn.com/watch/video/fish-geyser/2gvs1v13y?from=en-ca-hpquad and people say Ice fishing is a waste of time easy a week of fish worth of eating

[sniff6]

[mervin]

[DirtyDT]

2 different tescos in sunny Loughborough. The bottom one is my local store.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6W3QtysvSiQ

[sniff6]

[mervin]

[sniff6]

" When an innocent picture can go horribly wrong".

[mervin]

guy goes into a bar and asks the barman for a rum and coke , barman gives him an apple ,guy says sorry mate i asked for a rum and coke , bite into it the barman says,christ this tastes like rum ,turn the apple round says the barman and bite into that christ this tastes like coke,

next guy goes up to barman and ask for gin and tonic ,again barman gives new customer an apple , sorry barman he says i asked for gin and tonic ,same reply from barman bite into it ,tastes like gin ,turn it round barman says tastes like tonic wow the guy says ,

another guy saw this and goes up to the barman and says do you have an apple that tastes like pussy , yes he says ,then ill have one of those says the third guy, barman gives it to him and he bites into the apple,with a screwed up face he spits out the apple and says hey mate this tastes like shit, turn the apple round says the barman

[sniff6]

[drewpy]

that first pic is sooo photoshopped, her feet are nearly bigger than the wheel

[sniff6]

Not sure if that is the right flag????

[chippy46]

Whilst driving into work this morning I saw a bloke on a unicycle riding through the snow. Barking!

Why was he barking.?

[sniff6]

This Years Darwin Awards Are out !!!!!

Yes, The Darwin Awards are out again It’s
that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
honouring the least evolved among us.





Here is the glorious winner:





1.When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.





And now, the Honourable mentions:





2.The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger... The chef's claim was approved.





3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.





4.After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days.





5.An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.





6.A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash
he got from the drawer was $15. [if someone points a gun at you and
gives you money, is a crime committed?]





7.Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-
be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on CCTV.





8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."





9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 a.m. flashed a gun and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The frustrated
gunman walked away.





And Finally, the 5-STAR "STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER"





10. When a man attempted to siphon fuel from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained
for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next
to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the
man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but had plugged his siphon
into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.



The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had been punished enough!