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The burial service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the priest and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

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What about the rest of that lot Jimmy


Ive got a welsh mate and I asked him how many girlfriends he'd had. He counted up to ten then fell asleep....


the ones Jimmy missed for the rest of ya

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife £475 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few quid myself.'

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the look of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

A man is recovering from surgery when the Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.

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Merv wrote

"What about the rest of that lot Jimmy"

That was the only one I laughed out loud at

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<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote'data-author="sniff6" data-cid="198688" data-time="1356463149"><p>

I know ,I know...... <a href='http://www.theuselessweb.com/'>http://www.theuselessweb.com/</a></p></blockquote>

Fascinating! :lol:


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Holy hell there are some crazy ones on there! What's with the wrench in the tire? I've seen a brake rotor worn down to the internal cooling fins hanging in a local shop here. Guy said the lady claimed she heard no brake noise whatsoever too. LMAO :rofl:

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Yep, that's the one. How in hell did they manage that one?! :eusa_think:

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Drunky bigass. Nice... it's like they know me! LMAO

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Stinky Ringlicker,!!!

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Biffo Jollyfuck at your service!

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