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The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

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Haha Katie

That actually happened to me when I was down in Cardiff working in September. I phoned up my home base for some paperwork and I was asked to get a fax number to send it to. Every cop station I asked in gave me a pitying look as they shook their head. Up until then I never realised they were so out of date.

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Now chaps i know it is still Christmas and all that,But i feel i must draw your attention to this “Secret Vice” or “Self-Pollution”.Ok

its a bit of a sticky wicket and all that.

Before he found bashing the bishop!

tumblr_l67fgsQu2h1qchs1zo1_500.jpg

After...

tumblr_l67fgsQu2h1qchs1zo2_500.jpg

Look out for these signs guys.

Symptoms-The following are some of the symptoms of those who are addicted to the habit: Inclination to shun company or society; frequently being missed from the company of the family, or others with whom he or she is associated; becoming timid and bashful, and shunning the society of the opposite sex; the face is apt to be pale and often a bluish or purplish streak under the eyes, while the eyes themselves look dull and languid and the edges of the eyelids often become red and sore; the person can not look anyone steadily in the face, but will drop the eyes or turn away from your gaze as if guilty of something mean.

More info here.

http://dtxmcclain.tumblr.com/post/864990204/from-the-book-vitalogy-1926-an-article-on

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