First sailing results are in. Great Britain have taken gold, the USA have taken silver and Somalia have taken a middle-aged couple from Weymouth

First week of the Olympics and the Romanians have taken gold, silver, bronze,

copper, lead, and anything else they can get their f**kin' hands on........

Just seen the Greek Squad taking their two bronze medals into Cash Converters...

A young girl started work in the village chemist shop.

She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.

She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.

"Look," he said. "My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won’t even be used.

The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350".

The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.

"Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs" her boss told her.

She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs. "Yes!" she said " He's got one hanging there!"

The boss said "Go back in and give him £3.50, he's the window cleaner!"

I got in touch with my inner self today.

That's the last time I buy Tesco Value toilet roll.

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question,

"When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied: "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!", the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

Johnny said: "Well, I walked into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night. Mom had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying:

'Oh God! I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

Girlfriend rodeo

When doing your missus from behind, lean over and grab her tits then wisper softly in here ear. "these feel just like your mums"

And see how long you can hold on for..............my personal best is 1min 27 secs

you dirty little bastard.

How to cut everything in half in 2 seconds ...................

.. get divorsed.

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How to swear in 7 letter format....... 4 is way to simple we all know them

..divorce--

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How to work 80 hours a week and end up retired broke.... simplifed ......No drinking or gambeling required.

Have kids.

__________--------

Girlfriend rodeo

When doing your missus from behind, lean over and grab her tits then wisper softly in here ear. "these feel just like your mums"

And see how long you can hold on for..............my personal best is 1min 27 secs

I like ..... these feel just like your sisters but hers are bigger and firmer..... but i cant beat 1.27 noise your a stud. best I change my grip

No one is totally useless

they can be used as a bad example

An update for all the guys who ask why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free...

Nowadays more women are against marriage because they realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

(oldie but goodie)

What's green and invisible?...

... This cabbage ->

XD - foameh x

A mummy coated in chocolate & nuts has been found in Egypt-archaeologists think it might be Pharaoh Rochay.

Ill get me coat

A mummy coated in chocolate & nuts has been found in Egypt-archaeologists think it might be Pharaoh Rochay.

Ill get me coat

A bit off Topic

Ahaaaa Young love !!!