Yamabyss

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up t…

Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of Ireland. The attendant, who knows nothing about golf says “top o the morning to yer sir” Tiger nods and bends to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, 2 tees fall out of his shirt pocket “What are those?” asks the attendant. “They’re called tees, they’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”…”Feck me” says the Irishman “BMW think of everything”!!

don't know if anyone knows this but the advent of digital cameras have brought other gimmicks to the fore. The latest is tiltshft where a photograph is duplicated ond slightly blurred. this gives the impression of looking at a toy! I found a web site that does it on;ine for your pleasure http://tiltshiftmaker.com/ here's one i did earlier

hi everyone. felt like making a somewhat nostalgic thread for all you more "vintage" riders out there, about the various tips and tricks you learnt to use when it wasn't as easy as ordering a spare part from your dealer and you had to make do with it or mend it. these include tips such as: - Cutting base gaskets from cereal box cardboard or .20 gasket paper. - Rubbing half a potato on the inside of your visor to help prevent it steaming up. - heating up the spark plug before-hand to help start your bike if it had a weak magneto any other tips/tricks? Steve

DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead. CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts. RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place. DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements. (One for Ardon) WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red…

h, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now... That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat. And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which caus…

Just seen this on TMBF, not sure if it made it to here as well. Someone on the gixxer forums put NOS energy juice into his tank thinking it was high octane fuel... http://www.gixxer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=226570

You Sir, are an absolute fuckwit. Sitting in VERY slow traffic through Matclock Bath centre heading towards the top car park you were behind me. We were moving extremly slowly as it was very busy yesterday, then you - in your infinite wisdom decided you wanted to pass me on my INSIDE. You could not have gone anywhere because the traffic was so slow. You had already undertaken 2 of my friends that were behind me and whilst trying to undertake me you decided to have a chat on your fuckin mobile phone. I saw you when you pushed the front of your car level with my knee. I was sitting in the command position in the road ie the fucking middle so what mad…

.....who scares the cr*p out of me most mornings. Flying past at feck knows what speed along the single carriageway sections of the A21 (whether there's clear road or not) is no way to ingratiate yourself with drivers. Or me, come to that. So far, you have almost clipped my bike's mirrors twice on your intercontinental-rated journey. Slow down, man or you are going to kill yourself. Or me and that would be far worse. Yours sincerely, Boring old fart Steve.

hi goff, im a newby in this forum.and ive been reading some topics on here,i can see that ur one of the moderators. recently handai was suspended for using bad words,is it because hes just a member and hes not aloud to use such foul words?(i can understand that coz its offensive to use them)im saying that coz u the moderator have used the "F" word several times, in wich i think is wrong specially it offends u wen its used against u or anyonelse,and also wen handai left the forum for a few weeks and then came back with a DAS in his hand, happy ofcourse..anyway he was a changed man then,,friendly,,talking civilised to everyone..and then one time u posted this topic called…

What the bloody hell has been going on in here then, I turn my back for a wee while and some of you lot seem to be getting worse, I left charge of the 'medications cabinet' to someone else who has clearly neglected that duty and allowed this place to turn into an asylum in my absynth-I see Drewpy has gone completely christmas crackers WTF ??? NURSE

Police in Liverpool pulled a car over today & were amazed, it was taxed, insured & wasn't stolen. There were no drugs or weapons in the car, it wasn't an illegal Taxi & the driver had a full valid driving licence with no points & he wasn't pissed or stoned. A police spokesperson said they had no choice other than fining the driver for wasting Police time!!!

I know some of you go to France so thought I'd post this (only came across it when my TomTom fecked) "Changes to the law in France Since decree n°2012-3 was introduced on 3 January 2012 it has been illegal to be warned about the position of fixed or mobile speed cameras while you are driving in France. If your TomTom navigation device has the Speed Camera service and you continue to use the service, you risk a fine of up to €1500." More info here: http://uk.support.tomtom.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/5560/?locale=en_GB

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk. The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of th…

Have a look at the description http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=160559216667#ht_913wt_1139

Seeing as biking gives you a unique perepective on life, I think we should have our own Top 100 theory list. Theory 1 - Rain is magnatised to tits. You can prove this (as I did on my daily commute today) when riding in the rain on any road where there are more than 2 cars about. You will quickly see that the rain draws out every bloody tit on the planet who was ever given a licence to drive a car and who clearly thinks that braking distances and the laws of physics don't apply to them

Made me laugh http://www.ebay.co.u...#ht_5035wt_1336 specially the ask seller question bit at bottom very funny but bet ebay remove it

Well here's a little story for you, At work i park my bike down by the smoke hut, one because im down there a fair bit, two its a good chance i can get a space there and three its out the way. Well i was down there just now and this twat comes over and starts poking and prodding and playing with it.........in front of me. So i just politely said "stop touching my bike" in a nice tone etc etc. His reply was "well im only looking" "well i thought you only look with your eyes, unless you blind!?" (me) "no need to get shitty with me" (him) "well give me your car keys and i will go have a LOOK at your car" (me) "get fucked your not touching m…

Most people think it 's improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.' One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too. I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique. Sincerely, Your Friend

Want to find out where your partner is? Want to track his or her whereabouts? Well, Google Earth has just got better... type in his or her mobile phone number and you'll get the location of that person! Give it a try it's incredible !!! Click on Link Below: http://www.track-your-partner.com/