Yamabyss

From Thomas Cook Holidays - listing some of the guest's complaints during the season. 1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned 3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was surprised to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all." 4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels." 5. A tourist at a top African game lodge over l…

good hollywood film montage to rapsody in blue clicksy here

Sherlock Holmes, the great detective, and his faithful companion, Dr. Watson, go on holiday in the south of France, camping. On the first night, Holmes nudges Watson in his sleeping bag, and wakes him. "Tell me, Watson, when you look up at the stars, what do you see? What does the night sky tell you?" Thinking it to be some kind of riddle, or personality test, Watson thinks for a moment, before answering. "Meteorologically, the sky tells me it is a clear, cloudless night, and the weather will be fine for the next day. Astronomically, Venus has entered the House of the Moon, while Astrologically, it appears that Capricorns should not attempt any personal upheaval thi…

spare a thought for the many old droid units that now find themselves cast out into the streets.

This bloke goes to see his doctor and says, "every time I fart, it sounds like a Honda motorbike." So the doc asks the chap to pull his pants down and bend over. Sure enough, the man farts loudly and its sounds like a Honda motorbike. The doc says, "you've got an abscess up your arse." The bloke says, "surely it can't make my arse make noises like that." The old doctor says, with a cheeky smile, "abscess makes the fart go Honda!"

with a different car Click here hahaha

1962 Safety Rules from Honda Taken from a 1962 Honda Motor Cycle Owner's Manual. Translated by Honda for the American Motorcycle Rider. 1. At the rise of the hand by Policeman, stop rapidly. Do not pass him by or otherwise disrespect him. 2. When a passenger of the foot hooves in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet melodiously at first. If he still obstacles your passage, tootle him with vigor and express by word of mouth, warning Hi, Hi. 3. Beware of the wandering horse that he shall not take fright as you pass him. Do not explode the exhaust box at him. Go soothingly by. 4. Give big space to the festive dog that makes sport in roadway. Avoid entangleme…

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's licence in the wallet of every husband or boyfriend. DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown. SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting? SAFEST: Here's my pay packet. ULTRA SAFE: Have some cho…

Oh god were do I begin. They dont pay road tax, yet they have signs made up for them to tell drivers that they are about, thats got to cost a fair few bob right? To my knowledge, they dont have any insurance if they are in an accident with a vehicle. No anual MOT check, so it could suddenly collapse at any moment. They travel about about negitive 10mph. They require you to slow down to pritty much a stop while passing them with the eivl look they give you. Dog owners are required to pick up their dog`s shite, or are fined 80 quid. Horse shit is about 10 times the size, yet arent required to do anything about it if some plops out onto the roa…

A biker is in a hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. A pretty nurse is in attendance. "Nurse.." he mumbles, " Are my testicles black?" The nurse raises his gown and holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles with the other. She takes a close look at them before saying, " Sir there is nothing wrong with them." The biker removes the oxygen mask from his face and smiles at her saying. " Thanks for that. It was just wonderful. But listen very closely and carefully.... Are my test...results...back?"

A man in a hot air balloon, realising he was lost, reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended further and shouted to the lady "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don'tknow where I am." The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be in IT," said the balloonist. "Actually I am," replied thewoman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your i…

Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street ; he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter and she had a Wine Gum. He asked her name, 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said. 'I'm the one with the nuts,' he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in to a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and TicTacs. Miss R…

anyone else out there having problems with getting stuff they've ordered from hotbikebits.co.uk - they haven't delivered an order after 3 weeks despite the confirmation mail saying it will be with me in 3 days, the phone numbers they have on their website don't work and they don't reply to emails (even the 'contact us' link on the website gets no reply!). Scanning around the web, people have been having problems and reported them to trading standards as far back as mid December and yet you can still order (even now!) from their website and it will process your card payment!!!!!!). Be warned

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?" That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment." So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin' horth. Can I thee her eyeth?" So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over. "Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?" So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears. "Nith earzth, can I see her mouf? " The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by th…

Okay, no idea if this is allowed or not so please delete the post if it is inappropriate We are selling our house in France. For various reasons, we have not been able to get over there for about four years (!) so have just stuck it on Ebay. We bought it as an easily accessible base for touring in Europe but, by the time we had finished doing it up, life did that thing that it does and all our plans changed. So, the reason for sticking it in here specifically (if allowed) is that we bought it 'cos it has all the important ingredients: a garage large enough for at least six bikes and a bar next door The Ebay ref is : 181340554120

(rant mode) I'm getting really annoyed with the "news" at the moment. Whilst I accept that there are economic challenges at the moment, I think it's made worse by the media bending statistics and facts in the pursuit of some dramatic art that bears little resemblance to factual reporting. I think the media is partly to blame for this recession by winding everyone up - it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's the recession at the moment, but we've had Bird Flu in the past, and global warming is still on the agenda when there's nothing else for them to be depressing about. I remember water shortages about 2/3 years ago, with hosepipe bans etc - and lines from the pres…

Many years ago, a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from upstairs and asked her father, "Who was that man going into the barn?" "That's some fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "He needed a place to stay for the night, so I said that he could sleep in the barn." The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food and took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the dau…

Ok, imagine the scene, at the security office of a delivery I make a couple of times a week. Meet a new security guard. Make pleasantries, usual tripe about your day, boss is a w'nker etc. Then he comes out with the "Got all your PPE", Nope, need a hat says I. at the same time as the hat, he hands me some safety glasses. Don't need them, can't wear em because of my glasses and you don't have the overglasses ones. I know because as said I have been delivering there for months a couple of times a week. He comes out with, "Its health and safety you have to wear safety glasses". No says I, "i can't wear those because I will have to remove my PRESCRI…

The local Yamaha & Suzuki dealers van pulls out on you in the rain on the way home! He did wave "sorry" but I guess it is one way to drum up trade

This is a rhetorical question cos it's wet as a British Summer Got some kiln dried sand today. It was so wet that it left a damp patch in my car (Fnarr!). I am baking it now. (200 degrees for 30 mins, turning once ) I think that I may also need to get a bigger compressor or another one to run in tandem. Rant over.