kendo phil

OK so on Thursday I was riding down the dual carriageway, maintaining a 2 second gap between me and the car in front (nice day not in any hurry) I had my lights on and was wearing my High Viz vest over my jacket and still a total retard in an Escort covered in spoilers managed to pull out in front of me and cause my to lock the rear, not to much of a problem as it was now about a foot in the air as I was pulling an endo. I missed him and he gave me a nice little wave to say sorry. Please tell me how limiting my top speed would have been any use in that situation? Also, we are heading back down the old argument about restriction, you are restricted to a 125cc on a learners licence, no restriction on the size of car a learner can drive. Now with the 2 tier system you can be stuck on a 33bhp bike for 2 years. There is no equivalent for cars, once you have passed your test in a 1.0l nissan micra you can then hop into a Scooby Doo and drive at what ever speed you want. Come on, all we ask is for a little balance, I can see the argument for power / speed restrictions, but please make it across the board - make it fair, cars as well as bikes. And any biker worth his salt will know how to get round these systems anyway, so its not going to knacker us, just cost us another £150 for the chipped ECU. So, just remember to watch out for retard boy racers, who are most likely the real reason there are so many biker accidents.

Hey, I live just outside bridgwater. Fancy a pint at some point?

I just renewed my insurance policy on my winter bike - a GSX400, total cost £47.00 There is an upside to getting old, and bog off I am not telling you how old! Dont worry about how much you spent on biking, you would only be pissing up against the local pub wall if you wernt out on your bike and the only thing you get to show for that is a dodgy liver.

I once failed to spot a panda car behind me (DOH!) and shot off at high speed, this was at about 2.45 in the morning and not a sole in sight. I pulled in to get some cash and when I finished I turned around to see the panda car sat behind me. I walked up to the car and smiled at the lone copper, who was so angry that when he was shouting at me he was spitting. He told me if he ever saw me driving like that again he would do me for everything in the book. Fortunatly for me he was on his own and did not have any recording kit in the car. so I took my bollocking and went home a lucky chappy.

Of all the times I have been pulled the only thing that I have been asked for was my licence, insurance and MOT. Never restriction certificates etc. In fact when I was pulled as a learner I took my documents and CBT certificate to the cop shop to be told 'OK son, we dont care about that - just as long as you got a licence'

I recently got a flat tyre on the front of my winter bike. I took it along to a local bike shop as I could not be bothered to change the inner tube myself (yes lazy I know), but £10 saw me on the road again in under 30 mins. I was dissmayed to find yesterday that I had a flat again. So, I whipped the front tyre off the rim expecting to find a nail through the side wall. Can you imagine my suprise when a set of feeler guages plopped out. I know they are not mine as I checked and my set is in my tool box, so tomorrow I will be giving the garage a quick ring to ask if they would like their feeler guages back and can they supply me with a replacement inner tube - this time I will fit it myself!

, , ,

swalg@@::@_++_

..................sorry, ignore these posts - computer cocked up!!!.........................

Most cops I have found to be OK and the one that are bikers generally know the score. Its the jumped little hitlers that annoy me. I suspect they were bored and took a wander down to look at the bikes and ogle the college girls. However, they cannot stop you without reasonable grounds. Possible they saw your 'speed' as reasonable grounds for a quick chat and thats fair enough, but they cannot produce eviedence to prove your speed so not much can happen. At a push they could do you for due care and attention, but proving it would be difficult. I am always polite and curtious to them as most of them are just doing a job. Most of all dont take any crap, if they are rude or unreasonable then take their badge number and speak to your local nick. And whatever you do do not take off at high speed, fail to notice a panda car behind you and pull in a few miles on down the road at a cash point whilst it catchs up. I did this once and I got a real propper telling off from the cop (who was on his own without any recording equipment) He got me bang to rights and I got away with a huge dogging, so I thanked my lucky stars and went home 2mph below the speed limit!. I also did a wheelie in front of a road safety officer and my dad found out (I was 17 at the time) and made me go to his house and applogise.

Happy birthday Mozzy Living it up in Bristol tonight?

OK, here are some simple thoeretical physics lessons that may help out the next officer fo the law that pulls you over; Lesson 1: If I am ridding a bike that accelerates more quickly than the average police car, I will move away from a stop quicker than the car. With this in mind if you want to catch up to me, you will have to move quicker to do that. If I (being law abiding and all that) were to accelerate up to 30mph in say 2 seconds and it take you 8 seconds to get there, I will be travelling at 30mph for 6 seconds more than you (are we all ok at this point?) To catch up to me you need to do more than 30mph to close the 6 second gap between us. This does not mean that I was going quicker than 30mph, only you were to catch up to me. Therefore I was not speeding - in fact to catch me up you were speeding! Why would I be speeding with a police car behind me? Lesson 2: If you are younger than me, you cannot be my dad, so calling me son and my lad whilst trying to get your point across is wholy inaccurate, unless you have mastered time travel. Which if certain theories be believed is possible if you approach the speed of light. I doubt that you can acheive those speeds in a focus panda car, and no I wasnt doing those type of speed because I could see a speeding panda car in my mirrors. Like I said totaly ficticious scenarios that may or may not happen - its just good to know that physics can help!

The only way you are going to get found out is if they catch you doing 120mph on a bike that is supposed to be restricted, and if they catch you at those speeds then the restricters are going to be the least of your worries. As long as you have the paperwork to say the bike is restricted, short of dismantling it at the reoadside your average cop isnt going to look too much. However, if you hit someone and your bike is taken for repair and the garage finds no restricters, theres a good chance that you may be refused insurance. Then you are in a whole world of cost as nobody will touch you for less than a grand as you will be classified as a high insurance risk. food for thought!

OK whilst sitting in the bath last night with the rubber duck floating around my feet I was thinking about my winter bike, a little 250 that I just jump on and go with. I am not too fussed about the winter ice skating motorcycling as it does not have enough power to spin the back end away too quickly. Then it occured to me that it has about 30bhp and to get anywhere on it I have to ride it to the limits of the bike if I want to keep up with traffic outside of town driving (80 ish flat out, head down, arse up). It strikes me that its not really a good way to learn to ride a 'big' bike. This means that if you go down the 33bhp limit route for 2 years, you spend those 2 years flogging the poor bike to death to keep up to traffic, if you keep this up riding style when you get onto anything with real power you will end up in a hedge. In conclusion, all learners should be given an R1 after passing their tests ;-) Let petition Tony on that one.

Where abouts are you?

Signed the petition and i got a nice reply from Mr. B-Lair, the email could not have been more patorinising, Basicly he emailed all of us to say 'F*ck off and mind your own business', could only have been bettered if he sent a picture of himself flipping us all the bird!

No doubt he was out looking for 'hardened' criminals!

How do i jump my dt50mx over Cheddar gorge? [only joking ] I think most people join out of curiosity, maybe there should be an expiry limit on membership - no posts within 3 months and you lose membership automatically. I find the whole point of these forums is that you can contact other like minded chaps (and chappesses) and ask for good ride outs - meets - stuff to avoid etc. You only get out what you put in!

I watched the weekend going by through a drizzle of wind and rain, I went to the garage and looked at my bikes (Im sure they were turning blue with the cold). I even got as far as putting my boots and trousers on, but then it started to lash dwon with the kind of downpour that usually only thousands of dollars of holywood special effects can create. I went down to the bike shop to find it full of accountants and lawyers all drapped over the latest Ducati - this made me more depressed (and a little bit ashamed to be a biker when I saw the fashion twats that are now buying bikes). I am off to buy some waterproof boots, s0 - how much does a ferry ticket to the continent cost these days?

I agree with Caulkie on this one - its quite easy to kill yourself on a 125cc machine by not knowing how to ride it (I have lost a couple of mates on small capacity machines). Modern 1000cc bike will get you well over 150 mph, which is a world of hurt when it all goes wrong. Get a couple of rides on some mid capacity machines and see what you think. Beside if you have a 1000cc bike in a corner on a 600cc machine just think how much piss taking you can give the owner! Bike safe and have fun!

Thats just the tip of the iceburg (as they say) I have done so much stupid stuff its a wonder I am able to sit here and type about it! On the back of my dads Z400 I stood up at a set of lights in London for a stretch, the lights changed and he shot off leaving me there in the middle of the junction. I charged up the battery on my gp125 so much that when I disconnected it, it exploded and showered my face with acid. Midway through fitting new front pads to a bike I got a phone call, went back to tidy up and go for a spin. Stopped to chat to some of my mates and told them about my top job to only have one of them point out that I had not done up the caliper bolts. I screwed them in finger tight and forgot - whoops. But the most impressive (some of you will think this is BS - but I swear its true!) About 200 yards from my old house was a long straight followed by a sharp corner. Thinking about my tea I was not thinking about the corner, before I new it I had gone in twice as fast as normal. I used the chuck it in, dont touch the brakes and hold on technique. The front end pushed and skipped, Im going down in a big way and its going to hurt I thought. The back started to slip and I thought - right lowside here we come. It was at that point I hit the deep curb with both wheels, riding up it wall of death style. I clung to the widly bucking machine as it ran along the kerb for about a metre, although after a few pints it gets longer. The bike picked itself back up (I cannot claim any part in this as I had my eyes shut!) and fired me semi-on the bike down the road, still on two wheels. Randy Mamola - try that one. I stopped the bike and went back to look at the kurb, which had 2 streaks of banana shaped rubber where the wheeles had hit. I looked around - not a sole in sight - nobody had seen my amazing not dying skills, probably just as well. I continued home at about 15mph and had a nice pint to calm down. Anybody fancy a ride out?

Two tales spring to mind, firslty whilst visiting a friend of mine in college I saw a bunch of young ladies stood on the outside of a nice 90 degree bend. I decided to impress them by dropping the bike in and going round the corner with my knee down. Unfortunatly the college employed traffic calming measures in the form of speed humps, which i hit fully lent over. The bike skirted off down the road without me and I got up with a swollen knee and damaged pride to giggles and applauase from the girls. I took a bow and limped off to pick up my dead bike which needed a new lever, clipon and farining panel DOH! The second was following a green escort estate that was transporting 8x4 sheets of plasterboard on the roofrack. These were tied on with furry string. The car pulled off from a roundabout and as he got up to spped the string snapped and the sheets stood up. I ploughed through the first one roadrunner style, the second one whoosed over the top of my head and the third hit the road and exploded, showering plaster all over the place. The impact wrote off my farining, indicators, headlamp, horn and caused severe underpants damage. I pulled over to find all the witnesses though that I was doing some kind of movie stunt.

Honestly I think I should have and idiot filter fitted to my phone, the following is a call my wife took; 'Ullo, still got the bike?' 'Yes, you need to speak to my husband, hes not here' 'Is it in good nick?' 'Yes' 'Does it have a fairing' 'No' 'What type of fairing does it have' 'I dont think it has one' 'Is the fairing rusty?' 'Sorry? - I think you need to speak to my husband' 'Never mind, do you still have the mini for sale?' My wife hangs up at this point, and its worth bearing in mind that I have never owned a mini much less have one for sale! I blame care in the community - allowing lunatics to make annoying phone calls. It could be the bike, maybe its also a magnet for pratts.

Can you put up a photo of the part?

The big problem is that its holding up my bike production line! Now that I have the responsability of fatherhood I decided that I should get the pile of bikes in the garage finished and sold on. However my spare funds are spent on nappies and rattles at the moment. So I need to flog the bike to afford the tyres for the next bike and so on and so on.