mike1949

He looks like the sheepdog in the advert "You should have gone to Specsavers" But he is cute.

One day the “man of the house” came down for breakfast before going to work and found his wife in tears. “What on earth is the matter with you?” he said. “It's alright for you” she said, but you don't have to look after the twins ( 2 boys aged 10 called Jimmy and Johney). “I'm so embarassed when I take them out, they are always fighting and their language is terrible. They are always effing and blinding it and even more stronger swear words. I just can't cope any more...... I NEED YOUR HELP!” “Right said hubby, when you get them up for breakfast, as soon as the first one swears. Hit him, and I mean hit him. Just grab hold of the first thing that comes to hand and hit him with it really hard to an inch of his life, he won't do it again and his twin will take note and realise that he won't swear again. Anyway, when “the hubby” had gone she went to the bottom of the stairs and shouted “Jimmy, Johney, get yourselves down here now for breakfast, NOW” After they came down fighting and tumbling and they sat at the dining room table, mum said, “right Johney, what do you want for breakfast?” Johney said, “I'll have fucking cornflakes!” That was it, mum lost her rag and grabbed hold of the nearest thing she could find which was a cast iron frying pan and started beating him over the head with it, bearing in mind that she was furious with him, when he was semi-concious she chucked him in a corner of the kichen. “Right Jimmy, what do you want for breakfast?” Jimmy replied............................................. “Well I aint having fucking cornflakes!!”

Hi Michael, a bit of useless info here. do you know your name ZuluMikey is, apart from one letter correct to the phonetic alphabet?

Effing Ell Slicey boy. well spotted. You should get you spotters badge for that.

Was it worn down on the RH side as sitting on the bike? That is usually down to the camber on the road.

Three brothers aged 21, identical triplets were named Tom, Dick and Harry. Tom being the first born always took charge when they went out on the town for a few drinks and to pull the birds. One Saturday night they went to a nightclub and Tom said “Dick, you get the drinks in while me and Harry go and pull the birds” Tom spotted three girls on the dance floor dancing around their handbags so Tom and Harry went and joined them. After a couple of minutes one of the girls looked up from the floor and shouted “Oh my god!” One of the other girls said “what on earths the matter?” “Just look at the size of their feet” the first girl said. “That's nothing” Tom said pointing to the bar “You should see the size of our Dick's”

I don't know if I've already told this one before but here goes anyway. A young lad about 9 years old was sent to bed early by his parents because he was being a right little sod. So he went up to his bedroom and started reading his comics, about 10 o'clock he heard his mum and dad come up to bed so he pretended to be asleep. After about 15 minutes he heard a strange noise coming from their bedroom, as if they were jumping up and down on the bed. So he got out of bed and went into their bedroom only to find them making love. “Get out!” shouted dad. About three minutes later dad went into his bedroom and said “look son, if you don't tell anybody what you just saw I will buy you that watch youv'e always been after” “Ok dad, it's a deal” Anyway when he went to school sporting his watch his best mate said “How did you get that fantastic watch?” “I cant tell you, it's a secret” But, his mate kept on and on til he told him how he got the watch. So. next day when his mate got home from school he purposly played up at dinner time and sure enough he got sent to bed. He was lying in bed til about 10 o'clock when he heard his mum and dad come to bed so he pretended to be asleep. Sure enough after about 15 minutes he heard a strange noise coming from their bedroom, so he got out of bed and went into their bedroom where they were making love. His dad shouted out “What the fuck do you want?” To which the boy replied “I whanna watch” to which the dad replied “”Well come in then and shut the door because it's freezing”

Brill, Paul.

That's exactly the same reaction I had when my son gave me a slip of paper which said "I'm leaving home"

Hi Rob, welcome to the forum. We tend to use Photobucket on here.

You might get a better responce in the workshop section Alex.

Hello Shane, and welcome to the forum. you have started off well so you should get a good response.

Cheers Stevie, No, she definitely doesn't get it from my side of the family, so that only leaves "Err side " of the family.

So so sorry meatloaf.

Well done Steve, a good intro is always welcome here on this site, as said numerous times before if you introduce yourself properly you will get more help. We don't like "one hit wonders"

And of course the Stones CD which includes "Route 66"

Cheers Noise, she has but I don't know how because we gave her cash. she sorted all that out down in her neck of the woods. I know she's raised a lot through family, friends and work. but thanks anyway. Brilliant day though.

Sorry to Hijack your topic Noise but my daughter has just done the "Race for Life" in Taunton for the very same cause. Until now I didn't know what it was all about.

Blimey DT, We all know what you are talking about, but me do think that davehill1974 doesn't.

I totally concur Kev.

Oh Danny boy, welcome to the forum.

Welcome Dave, perchance are you the owner of a funny haircut?

Welcome to the forum CL, as you might guess by my avitar I spent many a happy year in Pompy, Gosport to be precise. Don't worry about Noise because he's a Pongo.

If you want help, obviously you do. Introduce yourself in this section. THEN, go to workshop section and ask for help. Not difficult eh?

Idle speed.