When I was little, we used to play a game called "knock and run" where you knock on someones door and run away before they answered.
Nowadays, its known as "Parcelforce"
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Your Mum's so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought EastEnders was ending.
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You will never guess who I just saw at the petrol station - it was that human torch guy from the Fantastic 4 film.
I tried to get his autograph but he just kept rolling around on the floor screaming.
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I got chased by a mugger the other day trying to steal my wallet
Half way through the terrifying ordeal I couldn't help but think to myself " hes giving me a good run for my money"
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I saw a slide with an 85 degree incline for sale the other day for £1000.
I thought, that's a bit fucking steep?