mervin

put down any drinks beer coffee etc before opening this or you will be needing a new keyboard £1950 ono :lol: :lol:

An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home. All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Australian home. After a few weeks in the Australian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. ''How do you like it here?'' asks the grandson. ''It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful'', says grandpa. ''We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone.'' ''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents'', Abdullah says with a big smile. ''There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'! There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'! There's a dentist here -- 90 years old.. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor?! And me --"I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Arab". ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A platoon of soldiers was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was a British soldier in a similar but less serious state. The British soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured British soldier what had happened. The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.' We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. He yelled back that George Brown is a bureaucratic, good-for-nothing, left wing labour dickhead who knows bugger all about running the country.' 'So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!' He retaliated by yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, so does Alastair Darling!!!' 'And, there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.

look closely at the girl at the back scroll down its not her posterior is it look more closely yes it is the girl taking the pics armpit

Dont look at street lamps signs or other street furniture too much if you concentrate on em you will find yourself riding into them, if it does all go tits up and you are heading for something look for the gap not what you think you are about to hit, you tend to ride toward thew object you are looking at

shop around try Carole Nah , footman james, bennetts, etc just pick up a bike mag and there are loads of brokers advertising Merv

RANDOM THOUGHTS ............... Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. ____________________ I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. ____________________ There is a great need for sarcasm font. ___________________ Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. ___________________ How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? __________________ I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. ___________________ I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Was learning to write in cursive really necessary? _________________ I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. _______________ How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? ________________ I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.. Stay strong, brothers & sisters ! ________________ MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. _______________ Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. _________________ Bad decisions make good stories. ________________ You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. ________________ Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. _______________ I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. _______________ I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? D@mnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? _____________ I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. _______________ It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. ______________ I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. ______________ Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... _______________ SMILE ---- it makes people wonder.......

i have had this one running for a couple of days on the RD forum OG has put a caption over there (you need to be a full member there to get at it ) anyhow caption please first prize 2 tickets too last years cup final

they are called Susan and Edwin

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.. He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.. The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p's, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10p's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? " 'No,' the woman replied. I'm with the Inland Revenue..'

How old were you OG then <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value=" name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Dont forget your poppies for the brave lads and lasses that fought for out freedom.and when it is over if you still have a bit of money to spare between now and next july donate a little to the help for heroes honda XRV ride, just click the pic below any of my posts, from the website to describe what this bunch of bikers are doing, oh and it is not just hondas either anyone can join if they and their bike are up too the ride

useful bit of kit for stirring paint i should think

Best advice i have heard on the subject of lost entitlements is to photcopy your licence and get a reputable solicitor to witness and sign if before you send it in, but even a police motorcycle mechanic lost his bike entitlement, and even the chief constable could not persuade em too give it back too him he had to retake his test, the other option is too tell you cannot find your licence when you go to renew and get a new one sent out and make sure it is correct and if not you can say you have found it and prove em wrong Merv

fuel in the crankcase on a stroker if it happening overnight /when standing is a float height/float needle not sealing problem i reckon. so strip and check carb, if it happens when running maybe the pilot jet has come out in the carb merv

have ya been on their website?? Merv

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bloke gets home from work, his missus is moaning the kids are on holiday and have been playing her up all day making her life sheer hell, so she asks him if he will take em out for a pizza, ok he says. she hears 2 loud bangs from the garage, 2 minutes later he walks back into the kitchen and says, "wheres me pizza then" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ An octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play any musical instrument you like" Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Jimi Hendrix. Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John. Scotsman throws him a set of bagpipes. the octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes, and the Scotsman says "What's wrong? can ye no play it?" The octopus says "Play it? I'm gonna **** her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was watching the news the other day and the chief of Police in New York said "We'll never forget 9-11" I thought you f**king better not, it's your phone number ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----- I went into this chip shop and asked for fish and chips. The chap says, "The fish won't be long." I replied, "It better be f**king thick then." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Australian scientist has invented a bra which offers more support and prevents a woman's breasts from bouncing up and down. After announcing his invention, the scientist was taken outside where a large group of men beat the sh*t out of him. ------------------------------------------------------------ Husband says, "My olympic condoms have arrived tonight so I am going to wear a gold one." Wife says, "Why don't you wear a silver one and come second for a f**king change." ------------------------------------------------------------ A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!" ------------------------------------------------------------ As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes. To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are hand- fuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the bills?" To his wife which replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are." ------------------------------------------------------------ Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pitts- burgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh'." The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you f**kING BITCH.'" ------------------------------------------------------------ Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. ------------------------------------------------------------ Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long no matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that said: 'Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last.... And you're single. Just let it go.' But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality. Whispering..... Dave....... Dave......... Dave........ ..........you're a vet Dave. ------------------------------------------------------------ An Indian Mystery revealed. Finally someone has cleared this up for me .. For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian High Commission in Canberra has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won :- A -a taxi licence in Adelaide, B -a convenience store in Melbourne, C- a service station in Perth, D- a kebab shop in Brisbane or E- a take away cafe in Sydney. If there is nothing there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice to Telstra and Optus customers in Australia. ----------------------------------------------------------- "My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet." --Bill Kelly ------------------------------------------------------------ After a session of sweaty sex, a satiated man lay in bed cuddling his new girlfriend as she stroked his limp d!ck. Enjoying the caresses, he smiled and said, "You really seem to like to play with that." "I do," she cooed, "Because I really miss mine." ------------------------------------------------------------ A family of Aboriginals just moved in next door and their 3 kids have challenged me to a water fight, so l'm just emailing you to say hello while l wait for the kettle to boil. ------------------------------------------------------------ I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?! ------------------------------------------------------------ "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" -- Jay Leno

Brilliant guitarist Gary Moore, i was gonna post that link if OG had not already done it, and Ms Crowther dropped her drawers for penthouse around that time as well ya know The first time i ever heard met this danish guy Claus the guitarist here was in the seventies at a beach barbie near bude he was sitting in the back of a landrover picking an acoustic guitar, this secret oyster group is pretty laid back for him, he has played at the local pub a couple of times in recent years, it is a 15 th century cob walled place and i am amazed it is still standing after him and the lads finished secret oyster

just mind a goat does not eat it if ya get a cardboard one

what about this oneok it is in the fatherland but you would still have matching locks

not so funny one this folks Phosgene that was used to make mustard gas is in some brake cleaners read this

Good advice here from the others foamy i had 3 golfs then got a seat toledo cos the missus needing summat bigger and it was a lot cheaper than a passat, we had 2 toledos bags of room in em cheap to buy VW reliability, and we are now on our 3rd leon diesel all reliable workhorses out handle the golf any day and if you go for the cordoba vario it is an estate merv

welcome Ray now i am going to point you to the Aircooled rd forum we specialize in the aircooleds over there, someone will be able too tell you the answers, sign up and ask away over there, i have a Rd250 and a 400 on the road and another in bits merv

report in bike comparing it with an Italian diesel TDR v SXV 550