What's the difference between Nick Clegg and Santa Claus ?
It's okay to believe in Santa.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I had pigs in blankets at the dinner table yesterday.
The heating went in our house so the wife and her mother had to wrap up.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just stole a turkey from Tesco... The Security man ran after me shouting "What u doing with that?".. I shouted back "Roast Spuds, peas, carrots & gravy, ya nosey Bastard!"...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend is an ungrateful cow.
I spent £300 on her for Xmas and she just doesn't appreciate it.
Who would turn their nose up to an Xbox 360, Black Ops and 5 cases of Stella?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife said, "Let's celebrate New Year with a bang".
I said, "Yeah OK, as long as mine is with your sister"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear kids,
Those presents were from your parents, not Santa.
Sincerely,
Wikileaks
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
had my Christmas party last week.everything was going well..they played twist..so i twisted...they played jump...so i jumped...then it was cum on Eileen..i was thrown out shortly after!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------