mervin

yup ford have made some good quick motors in their time sem to be closing a lot of factories though Travelling down the M1 last summer i saw 3 white fords all 3 rare Sierra cosworth escort RS1600i and the rarest among them a 1967/8 mk1 escort twin cam the grandaddy of the 3 merv

Cardiff Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of Gorilla. > > Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to > handle. > > Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. > > The gorilla was on heat. > > To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla of the species available. > > While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Gareth, a big > Welsh lad from Swansea, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. > > Gareth, like most Swansea boys, had little sense, but seemed to be possessed > with ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. > > So, the administrators thought they might have a solution. > > Gareth was approached with a proposition. > > Would he be willing to have intercourse with the gorilla for £500 ? > > Gareth showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over > carefully. > > The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, only under > three conditions: > > "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her". > > "Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." > > The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked > what was his third condition. > > "Well," said Gareth........ > > "You've got to give me another week to come up with the £500." > > =========================== > > The Herberts were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a > surrogate father to start their family.> > > On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Herbert kissed his wife and > said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". > > Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang > the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to...." > > "Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Herbert cut in. > > "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is babies. > > "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." > After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" > > Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, > one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room > floor is fun too. You can really spread out!" > > Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for > my husband and me." > > Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. > But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven > angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." > > Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...." > > Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. > I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with > that, I'm sure." > > Wife (muttering)- "Don't I know it." > > The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby > pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus." > > Wife - "Oh my god!" > > Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you > consider their mother was so difficult to work with." > > Wife - "She was difficult?" > > Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to > get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, > pushing to get a good look." > > Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement). > > Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was > constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! > Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the > squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." > > Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your... > equipment?" > > Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my > tripod so that we can get to work" > > Wife - "Tripod?" > > Photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. > It's> much too big for me to hold very long!" > > At this point Mrs. Herbert fainted.... > _________________

Children's Science Exam Answers. These are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A:Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section" A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be afteryou be eight. _________________

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, how much do you earn?" The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, but he replied, none the less, "I earn £2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?" Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed £6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months' salary, now GET OUT and don't come back". The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company". He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?" To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir!"....

Aha 22 first cousins good old redneck (they would call it in the US) area rural bude I dont have toomany relations here came from south devon originally merv

and this well you gotta readit http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&cl...39967145468A551 merv

Did I read that right? Subject: THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2005: Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!] Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial!] War Dims Hope for Peace [i can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?!] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!] Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [He probably IS the battery charge] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [boy, are they tall!] And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [ Did I read that sign right?]

Aha not so very far away dont think i know any wards from crackington, Did go to Bude school with a Di ward but cannot remeber where she came from Merv

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts whenever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle an screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" She says "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken." _________________

Sorry cant help, did you live in cornwall, if so where i live near bude and am the wrong side of 45 now as well Merv

Some very good points there scott Merv

Scott You seem to be having a lot of fun lately with that XT of yours, keep it up Merv

Kiers and any other RD owners or owners of Rd predecessors R5 DS7 etc Have look here and join in this only started today www.yamahardclub.com/index.asp merv

The Difference Between Men & Women NICKNAMES • If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. • If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Four-eyes. EATING OUT • When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. • When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY • A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. • A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale BATHROOMS • A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. • The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS • A woman has the last word in any argument. • Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS • Women love cats. • Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. • A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. • A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. • A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. • A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL • Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. • Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING • Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secretfears and hopes and dreams. • A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY (My favourite one!) • Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. • What a woman says: C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean.Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now. • What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah,blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW _________________ BE GOOD TO YOUR HIDES, GALS AND GUYS!

Type in death anyone who watched monty pythons will be familiar with it merv

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket; instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." Smart Ass Answer #4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Smart Ass Answer #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Smart Ass Answer #2: A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says," Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." # 1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005......................... A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=1...--name_page.htm shittttttt

found this on the Aleks site is is a photo of a horrible highway accident in Germany. The picture may be kind of hard to take for some of you. If you look closely you can see what appear to be some survivors of the accident still in the wreckage. Although the picture is quite graphic, it makes you realize how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us. My friend stayed on the scene to help and even though he performed mouth to mouth on quite a few of them, most did not survive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

yup Yamahead (Scott), Liquidcooled(Al) Andyrose, BaaBaaShep (Pete) Myself (Mervin) all aircooled owners to name a few Stick around here and a few more will appear i am sure also www.yamaha-rd.com for the watercooled bikes Merv

Let me know next time you are down will try to aarange a meet if one of the old crocks will make it too padstow /wherever merv

Those who frequent the RD forums will know who this is aimed at ( Lardon) An Australian, an Irishman and a Cumbrian are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognizing him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!" Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!" Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle." Jesus then approaches the Cumbrian who says, Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- om had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and sees a huge, bearded man standing there. "Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road... having a Christmas party Friday night... thought you might like to come. About 5pm." "Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you... there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too." "Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again." "More 'n likely be some wild sex, too." "Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?" "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."

Dark Good to know yuo had a good holiday in cornwall, Whee did you stay? I am not far from Bude. Sorry to hear about the mess when you got back, some of these youngsters are no brainers in cars and think they are the dogs bollocks. I reckon anyone that puts a body kit and loads of lights all over a Vauxhall Nova /corsa needs a course of therapy in what a car is anyhow, Worst example i have seen aound here is a kid tearing around in a Pug 406 diesel with a spoiler that looks like it was made from his meccano set on the boot lid. looked totally naff.

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's licence in the wallet of every husband or boyfriend. DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown. SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting? SAFEST: Here's my pay packet. ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe! ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate. Thirteen things PMS Stands For 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May Surface 9. Pass My Sweatpants 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome 11. Plainly; Men Suck 12. Pack My Stuff And my favourite one... 13. Potential Murder Suspect _________________

I don't know how many of you shop at Tesco, but this may be useful to know. I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at Tesco near me and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works: Two good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It will be impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Tesco. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having s*x with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral s*x on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday. I am obviously planning to contact the authorities at some point. Be warned!