mervin

:D :D :lol: :rolleyes:

--- The Zipper As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980s. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan. There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from John McCain that the staff at the mental facility, treating Hinckley, reports to have intercepted this past weekend: To: John Hinckley From: John McCain My wife and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our fine country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout. My wife Cindy and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man. Best Wishes, John and Cindy McCain PS: Barack Obama has been sh*gging the sh*t out of Jodie Foster. Thought you should know.

dohhhh

A motorcycle cop comes across two bikers. One biker has two fingers up the ass of the other. " What the hell are you doing?" asks the cop " My buddy here's got some food stuck and is choking," says the one biker, "I'm trying to make him sick." "You're meant to stick your fingers down his throat, not up his ass," replies the cop. The first biker says, "Yeah, I know, but you get better results if you stick them up his ass first..."

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood. The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?" The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you." After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?" The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!" Other bat says, "I didn't." ------------------------------------------------------- Parvinder and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London . Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3 every day. Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?' Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'? Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a w ife and 6 kids to support'. Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3 Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'? Parvinder shows Habib his sign.... It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan '. ------------------------------------------------------- One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave , where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president andno longer resides here."The old man said, "Okay" and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the sameMarine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again just walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?" The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it." The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir." --------------------------------------------------------- Ford V Toyota Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford Motors) Decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams Practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the Reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior Management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, While the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting Company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while Not enough people were rowing. Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent Another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure Was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering Superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people Rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for The rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and Other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The Pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the Resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork Posters. The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of A new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for New equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives As bonuses. The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even Finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable Performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was Out-sourced to India . Sadly, the End. Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years Moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money Paying American wages. TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants Inside the US . The last quarter's results: TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses. Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses.

now then when you say it takes a few seconds to start that is from off completely yes. ok then you say swap it over to the other side as in change the switch from left to right or right to left without stopping in the middle and it is instant ? well this happened on my previous RD 250 after i fitted an after market flasher unit, it is like it takes a while too warm up then once moving is ok, an dafter a f4eind with a Rd 400 bought the same type of unit he had the same, so i reckon as long as your indicators are flashing in the required time you are ok I moted that 250 4 or 5 times without a problem (they did not rev the engine when it was being tested thnkfully cos at high revs it used to be nearly a steady light) Merv

Govnors bridge have some XS11 bits on ebay so they are possibly breaking a bike phone em they are very helpful,i maybe XS 750 parts will fit as well govnors bridge It took me several attempts ot get an answer on this (website)number yesterday, but it is well worth it they have 2 shops and this one seems to be sporadically manned merv

Goff for schools minister next Merv

two four letter words man does not want to hear from a wife /girlfriend unless they are used together Dont and stop Merv

Would this be the same as an XS650 cam chain, if so try mikes XS they should have an idea or partsnmore in canada merv mikes xs

oops sorry mate did not mean you in in person i see your mention of the Zx9 now, but there are those who do hide there bikes all winter, and then thee are the riders from the africa twin forum Africa Not me thinks Scotland this weekend

Yeah the RD,s will only come out if it is a nice day now the honda trailie/funduro will get the rain and snow also gives a chance too fettle the classics, mind you with weather and work the 250 has done about 90 miles since rebuild and the 400 about 200 miles this year one trip north devon > cheddar> weston super mud> north devon Merv

respect mate yes hoping the winter will not be too cold for ya, sell ya my SLR 650 if ya want a honda to ride through the winter Merv

Whaddya mean season winter is what hondas are for, cover it in ACF 50 and keep riding enjoy the empty roads on nice days, learn how too deal with mud etc, winter riding is very rewarding, ok you dont ride like in the summer but then who needs to imitate a grand prix rider, bloody lighweights :D :D lookee here winter riding in devon merv

theory test piece of piss all the answers are in front of you just pick the right one , hazard perception, just dont click rhythmically, click as soon as any one seems to be doing something stupid in the film, merv

Clutch Try a running start or bump start , you will need a clear space though, once moving pull the clutch lever in and keep applying brakes it may free the clutch if not its a strip down job i am afraid Merv

just heard of someone who painted a pair of old boots silver and put em outside his door on halloween with a warning to trick or treaters, Gary Glitter lives here Merv

here it is gratuitous danish breasts danish speed bumps

Dear Jonathan I just shagged your daughter Gary Glitter

Have yuo checked your fuses ? Merv

50 THINGS YOU WOULD LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of [poo poo]. 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. 6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? 7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. 8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. 10. Ahhhh. I see the [censored]-up fairy has visited us again. 11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid. 12 You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a [poo poo]. 14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental. 19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?! 20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be? 24. Do I look like a [Censored] people person to you? 25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. 27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 28. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed. 31. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different......... 32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls. 33. Can I swap this job for what's behind door..........1? 34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it? 36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done. 37. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money. 39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent. 40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 41. Aren't you a black hole of need. 42. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in? 43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning? 44. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma. 45. If you have something to say raise your hand... then place it over your mouth. 46. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time? 47. Don't let your mind wander, it's too small to be let out on its own. 48. Have a nice day, somewhere else. 49. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away. 50. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring.

lol merv

Yup i watched that, the penalties do not seem to fit the crime, to start with the pole should have been held and charged pronto and Mr Groomes truck impounded until the case was settled i reckon, the french do that kinda thing, i can remember a story relating to an English driver that caused an accident in france and did a runner without the truck the French authorities were holding the truck until the driver came back , the trucks owner was not happy as he could not find him either, Oh and on the spot fines for foreigners like the french do for speeding english motorists, including taking your licence and baning you on the spot if you are 30mph/50 kph over the speed limit. Merv