mervin

http://youtu.be/rx7koe2kbBQ

Have you tried butter and marmalade on a weetabix ?

gotta agree wioth Bennyboy buttered digestives , hob nobs with some butter on are good to , real butter not i cannot beleive it is not axle grease

dunno but remeber the days when jacobs club biscuits where advertised with a song that went , if you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club, and the joke came out about the gay rugby club ,

Police 'stole identities of dead children' to give undercover officers new identities. "We can't understand what all the fuss is about," said DCI Jamie Bulger & WPC Milly Dowler. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I see Gloria Gaynor is remarrying some businessman called Jerry Stitts. Wonder if she'll take his name... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just played Cluedo, the Tudor edition. Henry VII did it, with a shovel, in the car park ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Bristol classic show is this month at Shepton mallet showground, The Taunton and Bridgwater VJMC will be there in the Sedgemoor Hall, which is one of the two long halls that connect to the main hall, there will be flyers and entry forms for the Japfest available there , so if you visit the show go along and have a look at their stand and make yourself known, there will be some nice old Jap bikes there http://www.classicbikeshows.com/showindex.asp?showcode=BCM13

My dream job of driving trucks in Australia turned into a nightmare when I broke down in the outback hundreds of miles from civilisation. After three days the water ran out and started drinking my own urine. After another three days I could no longer recycle my piss and realised I was out of options and had to accept the inevitable. So I opened some of the Fosters I was delivering.

Modern day Nelson Nelson: "Order the signal Hardy." Hardy: "Aye, aye, sir." Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?" Hardy: "Sorry sir?" Nelson (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability". "What gobbledegook is this?" Hardy: " Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devils own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it considered racist." Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco." Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments." Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before the battle." Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the government's policy on binge drinking." Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we had better get on with it... full speed ahead." Hardy: "I think you'll find there is a 4 knot speed limit on this stretch of water." Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crows nest please." Hardy: "That won't be possible sir." Nelson: "What?" Hardy: "Health and safety have closed the crows nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding is erected." Nelson: "Then let me get the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy." Hardy: "He's busy knocking up wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral." Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd." Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier free environment for the differentially abled." Nelson: "Differentially abled? I've only got one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of Admiral by playing the disability card." Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The royal navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency." Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail, the salt spray beckons." Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing too much salt - haven't you seen the advert?" Nelson: "I've never heard of so much infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy." Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting anyone, Admiral." Nelson: "What? This is mutiny." Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they are afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks." Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?" Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not?" Nelson: "We're not?" Hardy: "No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation." Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil." Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on a disciplinary." Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of the King." Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be more inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life." Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?" Hardy: "As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment." Nelson: "What about sodomy?" Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir." Nelson: "In that case... kiss me Hardy."

typical eytie crap, send it back under warranty

I think I just repleid on the TDR forum

I would not usually bother looking at owt like this , but it appeared on SWbikers forum , scroll down nearly to the bottom and read the quote on the right hand side :D :D http://www.accidentclaims.org/

I have a sad confession to make. Yesterday I was raped by a swan and all day today I've been feeling down in the dumps. I watched my cock go in and out , in and out ,and in and out .. It was getting wetter and wetter .. All I could think was ... Get in your fucking coop it's starting to rain ..

thats the ones I was thinking of Skidmarx

yup saved that for a good read sometime ta mate

I know of adventure bike riders that say they just rinse the worst of the mud off with cold water hose (not high pressure) and then give it a good clean every few months and reaply

A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related. Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming pools have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8. I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency. Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one; but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided; if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him. Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says, "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick." Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" Paddy replies "No, I only live round the corner." After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still

I just bought thew missus a little Seat ibiza ecomotive 1200cc 3 pot diesel , no road tax , and the figures say 80 mpg ,( that will be on the downhil with the wind behind it course) just to get me own back on em for charging me £215 a year for my 1400 cc fiesta diesel van, A hatchback with the windows filled in the, same thing as a car is only £30 a year to tax , mind you the price i paid will more than make up for the tax, an 08 plate car would be 5/6000 ? van was £3300

guy goes into a bar and asks the barman for a rum and coke , barman gives him an apple ,guy says sorry mate i asked for a rum and coke , bite into it the barman says,christ this tastes like rum ,turn the apple round says the barman and bite into that christ this tastes like coke, next guy goes up to barman and ask for gin and tonic ,again barman gives new customer an apple , sorry barman he says i asked for gin and tonic ,same reply from barman bite into it ,tastes like gin ,turn it round barman says tastes like tonic wow the guy says , another guy saw this and goes up to the barman and says do you have an apple that tastes like pussy , yes he says ,then ill have one of those says the third guy, barman gives it to him and he bites into the apple,with a screwed up face he spits out the apple and says hey mate this tastes like shit, turn the apple round says the barman

Feck me over a grand a year, you would be better off with a merc truck, the 4 wheeler i drive is not that expensive to tax

That looks like a fun road, I have 2 CD,s of pictures of Deals gap 2 stroke meets sent to me by Rooskie, looks like a great place

Aha right Guess who I am then ? That PV box and cables looks like it will sort ya and have a spare set of cables to boot ,

Cheers Rocky , it was another i was thinking of, when i contacted them they made em to order but if Taffmoto hav eme then job sorted