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I see Sacha got off lightly with those name meanings... I'm just going to go and cry in a corner... Lol!

Cheers guys. Picking it up Saturday, can't wait. Feel like a kid on Christmas eve!

Meanings of 'GIRLS' NAMES: Ada - Blue haired, smells of wee. Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs Alison - Bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off. Amanda - I.Q. tends to be smaller than bra size. A good shag though. Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Andrea - Small breasts, drinks pints. Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually foun hanging around toilets. Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers. Annette - She's BIG. Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive. Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points. Beryl - Repressed alcoholic. Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp. Bianca - Ginger. Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars. Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society. Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'. Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow. Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears. Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing. Claire - Usually neurotic, gives good head, can have lesbian tendencies. Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA. Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem. Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass. Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm. Daisy - Virgin. Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling. Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck. Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips. Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands. Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up. Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society. Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage. Doris - Purple haired, stinks of wee. Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths. Elizabeth - Born to rock, hates chickens. Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies. Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker! Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass. Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed. Faith - Legs met at knees, can't shag standing up. Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim. Felicity - She'll stab you with her nipples, plays darts. Fiona - Female mud wrestler, gives head. Francine - French. Gabrielle - French too. Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness. Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day. Gaynor - Lesbian. Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying. Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing. Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies. Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking. Georgina - Wants to be a man. Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath. Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs. Heather - Shags like a freight train, a screamer. Helen - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn. Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins. Hilary - Frigid. Holly - ly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister. Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed. Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles. Isabelle - necessary on a bicycle? Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child. Janet - Massive over bite, no neck. Jane - Babe, I'd drink her bath water. Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats. Jemma - Does , wears too much eye make-up. Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often. Jessica - Virgin, always will be. Joanne - Moans in her sleep, can't cook, moans when she wakes up - I wouldn't! Jordan - Ha ha ha ha ha - nuff said. Judith - Big eyes, big tits Judy - Huge tits, married to an arse. Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes Justine- Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets. Julie - Jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant. Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit. Kate - see Catherine. Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing. Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig. Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance. Kylie - Can't sing but who cares - BOING !!!!!!! Kym - Illiterate parents - see Kim.Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy. Lara - Action packed, never seen naked. Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive. Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night. Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up. Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking. Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men. Linda - Teenage bride, can swallow oranges whole. Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework. Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn. Liz - Long legged and brainey. Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet jellybabies Louise/a - Phwoooorrrrrrrrrr, Boing Boing Boing. Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad. Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors. Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid. Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous. Maria - Bangs like a barn door. Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY. Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear. Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome. Martina - Ugly lesbian. Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits. Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz. Mary - had a little lamb. Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S. Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely. Melissa - Eats dogs, been in prison 6 times for burglary. Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise. Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them. Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag. Marsha - Big butt, small brain. Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have. Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver. Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners. Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune. Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing. Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent. Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial. Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years. Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair. Olive - Oily skin, oils up well. Olivia - Neutron bomb. Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic. Pat - Butt ugly lesbian. Paula - Transvestite merchant banker for Basildon. Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes men to be stiff. Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar. Petra - Dead dog. Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly. Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her cheeks. Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact. Rhonda - Help me, help me. Rosalind - Whahey, nuff said. Maybe 10 years ago. Rose - Can be ly, good head giver Roseanne - ERRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH. Rula - She measures up well. Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up. Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs. Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children. Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged. Sarah - Likes pressed flowers and body piercing. Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills. Shania - What? Sharon - Shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers. Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Wurly whole, likes bananas. Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce. Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff. Sinitta - who? Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a "carrier" Sophie - Brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset. &Stacey -Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's. Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect. Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues. Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Tanya - Hot minx, too short. Tara - Upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals. Tiffany - who? Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less. Tori - Lives under a hedge, can't water ski. Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear.Loves kittens. Tracey - Lesbian. Ulrika - ka ka ka ka ka ka ka ka. Ursula - Likes puppies, in curry. Vicky- Likes Yoga. And Women. Wendy - Possibly a man. Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon. Zandra - Strange appearance, eats guinea pigs dipped in chocolate.

A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner. The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet? The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'." The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep." Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. She says: "Doctor that was brilliant! Evrae time ma hubbie came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me even once! Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? How's the water do that?" The Doctor says: "Janet, it's really nae big secret. The water does bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."

It's a good site if you're a member of the Flat Earth Society, and believe that they stopped making DT's after 1988.

buy one of these alarms the're great.