Moderator mervin Posted March 1, 2007 Moderator Share Posted March 1, 2007 was in ASDA buying a large bag of Winalot for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh! I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost fifty pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it . I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me. ALMART INTERVIEW An office manager at Wal-Mart had to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT" It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked the second man. "Hmm! Let me see. A BLINK! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer... "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed." He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said. Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known to man is DIARRHEA." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I sh*t in my pants." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie9183 Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 excellent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kev Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 :lol: nice one dude. its amazin what folk will take in, i am a whie van man have been for long long time one of my most asked questions is are you sure this is for here, (ye just thought i would knock your door for the hell of it) and top of the list is whats that?? my reply is always its a box, doesnt go down too well .k :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black in France Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 ALMART Brilliant! But strangely so true.... spooky..... BeePee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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