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jokes again


mervin
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A Welshman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. They all have a stutter.

"Th th th th three pi pi pi..........." says the Welshman.

Up steps the Irishman. "Three p pints of of of of gui gui gui.."

Then the Scotsman tries. "Th th th th th th th................."

"Oh sod this !" says the beautiful landlady and walks away to serve someone else.

She returns ten minutes later and asks if they are ready to order yet.

"Th th th th three pi pi pi pi", stutters the Welshman. "Three pints of gui gui gui gui........." tries Paddy.

And then Scotty starts "Th th th th th th th...........".

"Look" says the beautiful landlady, "who loves a bet?"

"If any one of you can tell me where you live without stuttering I'll let you make love to me!"

Quietly confident that no one will win, she turns to the Welshman.

"Where do you live then boyo?"

"C C C C CC AAAA.......Rrrrrrr.... ."

"No. You lose." says the beautiful landlady. Turning to the Scotsman,

"Where do you live Scotty?" she asks, trying not to laugh.

"E E E Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edinb."

"No. You lose." says the gorgeous woman.

"And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman.

"London" blurts out the Irishman.

"Oh no!" says the landlady.

A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips to

her underwear, next she takes off her bra exposing a voluptuous bosom.

Finally she slides off her panties then climbs into bed. Paddy with concentration furrowing his brow, climbs on and goes for glory, and then,

right at the end he suddenly screams out..

".......D D D Derry!!"

ensitive men do exist

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.

They talk, they connect,they end up leaving together.

They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,

cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher,

and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of

teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mentionthis to him,

and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him ... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes

off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying

there together in the afterglow,

the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says:

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"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

_________________

3 signs to show you have grown up

>

>

> SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP!!

>

>1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

>

>2. Having sex in a bunk bed is out of the question.

>

>3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

>

>4. 6:00am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

>

>5. You hear your favourite song in a shopping centre.

>

>6. You listen to Terry Wogan.

>

>7. Your friends marry & divorce instead of "hook up" and "breakup."

>

>8. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

>

>9. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door

>won't turn down the stereo.

>

>10. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

>

>11. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

>

>12. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

>

>13. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

>

>14. You take weekend naps from noon

>

>15. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

>

>16. You go to the Chemist for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and

>pregnancy tests.

>

>17. A £4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

>

>18. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

>

>19. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to

>drink that much again!"

>

>20. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

>

>21. You drink at home to save money before going to a pub.

>

>22. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them

instead

>of asking "Oh S*$# What Happened?"

>

>23. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that

doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

_________________

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23. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that

doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

_________________

Too Right there Merv! :D

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get in none of them apply to me!!!!!!

woo being sweet 16 is fooking great!!! except from no car or bigger bike but will all change in May!! well the bike part any way hopefully...

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A virile, young Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So...you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The rooting ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman yet again using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together, screaming, bucking, clawing, and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping.

Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian

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21. You drink at home to save money before going to a pub.

HeyI'm a student and we all do this cos we are all too skint to afford the prices in pubs and clubs. :P

Needs changin me thinks.

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