Cardiff Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of Gorilla.

>

> Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to

> handle.

>

> Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem.

>

> The gorilla was on heat.

>

> To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla of the species

available.

>

> While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Gareth, a

big

> Welsh lad from Swansea, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery.

>

> Gareth, like most Swansea boys, had little sense, but seemed to be

possessed

> with ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.

>

> So, the administrators thought they might have a solution.

>

> Gareth was approached with a proposition.

>

> Would he be willing to have intercourse with the gorilla for £500 ?

>

> Gareth showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter

over

> carefully.

>

> The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, only

under

> three conditions:

>

> "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her".

>

> "Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this."

>

> The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked

> what was his third condition.

>

> "Well," said Gareth........

>

> "You've got to give me another week to come up with the £500."

>

> ===========================

>

> The Herberts were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a

> surrogate father to start their family.>

>

> On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Herbert kissed his wife and

> said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".

>

> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang

> the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to...."

>

> "Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Herbert cut in.

>

> "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is babies.

>

> "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."

> After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

>

> Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub,

> one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living

room

> floor is fun too. You can really spread out!"

>

> Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work

for

> my husband and me."

>

> Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every

time.

> But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven

> angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

>

> Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...."

>

> Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.

> I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with

> that, I'm sure."

>

> Wife (muttering)- "Don't I know it."

>

> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his

baby

> pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."

>

> Wife - "Oh my god!"

>

> Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you

> consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

>

> Wife - "She was difficult?"

>

> Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park

to

> get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep,

> pushing to get a good look."

>

> Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement).

>

> Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was

> constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate!

> Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the

> squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

>

> Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your...

> equipment?"

>

> Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my

> tripod so that we can get to work"

>

> Wife - "Tripod?"

>

> Photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.

> It's> much too big for me to hold very long!"

>

> At this point Mrs. Herbert fainted....

>

_________________

hahahaha

quality