wild foamy Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Well peeps I have recently been told off for writing terrible jokes on facebook, so i thought, why not start a thread and share my shite humour with the world? i will start the ball rolling here... --- What do you call cheese thats not yours?.... natcho cheese! What sort of cheese do you hide a horse in?... Mascaponi! I bought a memory foam mattress... cant remember where it is though! Spilled spot remover on my dog... now he's gone! Saw some brilliant shoes in a shop today, banana yellow, a very aPEALing colour! Canaries for sale, going cheep... Im in hospital, i ate what i thought was an onion but it turned out to be a daffodil bulb... doctors say i will be out in spring though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neversaydie Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Lets hope it doesnt catch on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wild foamy Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 Ive started my own business making bomb shelters!... business is booming! If a child refuses to go to sleep, could he/she be charged with resisting a rest?... Im going to call my printer Bob Marley, because its always jammin' Ive taken a liking to eating dog food... i know, im barking mad! I once dated a greyhound... she was a right bitch I like pork and i like beef, but i hate chicekn, it tastes fowl... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator drewpy Posted May 29, 2013 Moderator Share Posted May 29, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noise Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Mohammad has started his own business selling bombs disguised as prey mats, he says profits are hitting the roof! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slice Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Noise DON'T encourage him!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wild foamy Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 The revolution has begun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmy Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 A man walks into a bar....ouch A horse walks into a bar........Why the long face 2 peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted A potato walks into the bar, all eyes were on him A skunk walks into a bar, where is everyone A baby seal walks into a club.....oh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noise Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesoreus How many woman dose it take to change a light bulb? Best not to ask as it will take a week for them to tell you the ins and outs of how they done it on emmerdale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obriens65 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Two tigers walking through the town centre, one turns to the other and says "Quiet here isn't it." The other one turns back and says "Bugger me, a talking tiger." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewElvisFan Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I went to the zoo yesterday - wasn't impressed, it only had one dog. It was a Schitzu! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewElvisFan Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Polo walks into a pub Not serving you - you're menthol Set of jump leads walk into a pub Not serving you - you're going to start something Policeman walks into a pub Not serving you - you're looking for trouble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mallory1 Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 What do ya call a donkey with only 3 legs .... A wonkey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewElvisFan Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 2 nuns on a bike on a pebble road - "I've never come this way before" 2 nuns in the bath "where's the soap" "yes it does" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewElvisFan Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 2 nuns in a car when Dracula jumps on their bonnet "quick, show him your cross" "get off my fucking car you bastard" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewElvisFan Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 What do you call a camel with an extra hump? Humphrey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewElvisFan Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 The laundrette in the monastery - is that where the monks get rid of their dirty habits? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noise Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 A pork pie is like your grannies fanny. You got to bite the crust lick out the jelly to get to the meat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Lone Ranger Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I entered a raffle at the local gay butcher's. Apparently I've won a meat pack. Just came out of tesco and an Irish man was sitting on my car, I wasn't happy so I angrily shouted: "What do you think you're doing?" "ah would ye calm down sure it says Seat on it" Came his reply Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewElvisFan Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Eve is washing her sloppy minge in the river after a session with Adam, God shouts down "Eve! I did not want the fish smelling like that!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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