sniff6 Posted August 22, 2016 Author Share Posted August 22, 2016 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noise Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Dear Asda, Last week I purchased some of your "smart price" toilet tissue and I have some thoughts to share with you. For my first use I folded it twice like I normally would, but it was so weak it broke, at which point I realised I had fingered myself. That's right. No romance, no weekend in Venice, just one swift digit up the wrong 'un in a cold bathroom in Nottingham. So what exactly is "smart" about "smart price"? My eyes certainly smarted a bit as I jabbed at my rectum. I spent the next few minutes in the saddest bathroom scene since Oscar Pistorius, debating whether to sacrifice a bath towel, a sock or the fleece of the first staff member I find at my local store. A few more minutes passed, the anger subsided and I made a second attempt. You see this stuff might be half the price of branded stuff, but I found I needed to bandage it tightly 7-8 times around my hand to prevent me from molesting myself a second time, leaving me looking like an Egyptian mummy that's just performed a prostate exam. The feeling of shame was soon replaced with regret, as I realised I had better things within arms reach to do the job. Even the pumice stone on the edge of my bath looked like it could do a better job than the stuff you supply. I noticed in the news today your sales have dropped 7.5% in 3 months. Looks like it's not just the competition you can't wipe out! Yours truly, Ben Martin 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sacha Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Really?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slice Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 He's in Beverly Hills Sacha that should say it all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noise Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 I could really do with a set of those for my two girls! Haha 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted September 9, 2016 Author Share Posted September 9, 2016 I think the ant bite reminds me of something 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevtheRev Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 The teacher asked young Billy to form a sentence using the word " Contagious " . Billy thought for a minute and answered - " When my Dad saw the decorator coming up the garden with a 2 inch brush he told my Mum that if he's gonna paint the ceiling with that, it'll take the contagious ". 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sacha Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sacha Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 My dad's to-do list this morning. What a character. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sacha Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Dying! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevtheRev Posted September 14, 2016 Share Posted September 14, 2016 ^^^^ Hahaaa! F'n brilliant ! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Share Posted September 18, 2016 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sacha Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Hahaha! Perfect! SMH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevtheRev Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 An old retired ex-prostitute was giving an interview to a young journalist during which she described her "career" , and the history of the trade in the local area . " Were you ever picked up by the Fuzz?", asked the hip young journalist . "No Sonny", she replied , " But I have been swung around by me tits a few times !". 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Share Posted September 25, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator drewpy Posted September 25, 2016 Moderator Share Posted September 25, 2016 cruel 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy xs Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 2 hours ago, drewpy said: cruel Yes she's at least a 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slice Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 Seems funny from one angle right up till it's your daughter! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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