December 5, 201410 yr Moderator The Movember is over and it's time to shave, or remove the Moustache in any way possible!
December 6, 201410 yr Moderator An Asian lady (think "Sue" from Ass Monkey garage)was trying to exchange yen for dollars at her bank and was getting irritated She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla for yen. Today I only get hunat eighty. Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you, white boy"
December 6, 201410 yr An Asian lady (think "Sue" from Ass Monkey garage)was trying to exchange yen for dollars at her bank and was getting irritated She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla for yen. Today I only get hunat eighty. Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you, white boy" Brill :icon_biggrin: :icon_biggrin:
December 10, 201410 yr The Oxfam video is funny apart from the bit with the Staffies, they get bad enough press as it is.
December 10, 201410 yr Very good video. The bad press for Staffies is down to the idiots at the other end of the lead that use them as a status symbol
December 10, 201410 yr Moderator quote of the day on radio 4 today , prime ministers question "Jeremy Kyle for toffs "
December 11, 201410 yr Moderator I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!" I said, "£100 and it's yours."
December 12, 201410 yr I went to the cheese counter at Tesco on my way home and the girl behind the deli started throwing cheddar at me. I said 'That's mature!'................
December 14, 201410 yr Author A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt... ...Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche
December 14, 201410 yr Author The Guantanamo Bay detainees weren't really bothered about the CIA's water-boarding techniques. It was when the CIA started adding soap that they became traumatised.
December 19, 201410 yr Moderator This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you’ve left for work. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies. My wife has known for some time now and I’ve promised her that it won't happen again. Regards, Alan. Bob, feeling anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife twice in the head, killing her instantly. He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone to respond to the neighbour's text and saw he had another message:- Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ‘WiFi’ To ‘Wife’. Hope you saw the funny side of that. Regards, Alan.
December 20, 201410 yr Moderator A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?” “Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.” The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.” “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.” The young lady, tired of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.” The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you got any?” “1955, ma’am.” “Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no nookie since 1955!” She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955!” The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, “I hope not, it’s 2130 now.”
_33963e.png)
_83bc35.png)
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.