sniff6 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obriens65 Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obriens65 Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 The song starts at 2:12 but the rest is funny as F*** 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted June 21, 2013 Moderator Share Posted June 21, 2013 How do you turn a Duck into a soul singer Stick it in a microwave until its Bill Withers ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Duck walks into a bar and says the barman: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, this is a pub. We have bitter, stout, lager and mild but we don't sell bread." Duck blinks and looks at him and says: "Got any bread?" Barman sighs and says: "Listen, this a pub. We have wine and spirits and cider and alcopops but we don't have any bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman yells: "If you ask me if we have any bread one more time I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar." Duck swallows hard and says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No!" Duck says: "Got any bread?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3 ducks walk into a bar, 2 take a seat at the bar whilst the 3rd stands at the end, they order 3 beers, which the barman serves them. As it's fairly quiet and the barman, who has never had 3 ducks in his bar before decides to have a chat... Barman to 1st duck - " hello whats your name" 1st duck - " Huey" Barman - " and hows your day been then Huey?" 1st Duck - " brilliant thanks, been in and out of puddles all day - its been great!" Barman to 2nd Duck - " hello whats your name?" 2nd Duck - "Luey" Barman - " and hows your day been?" 2nd Duck - " Brilliant - I've also been in and out of Puddles all day as well" Barman goes up to 3rd duck stood at the end of the bar Barman - " huey, Luey... Ah you must be Duey?" 3rd Duck - " no - I'm Puddles , and dont even ask how my day has been" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The barman says: "Where'd you get the pig." The woman says: "That's not a pig, that's a duck." The Barman says: "I was talking to the duck." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman: "Pint of bitter and a ham sandwich, please." The barman, amazed, exclaims: "Wow! You can talk!" The duck looks annoyed and says: "Listen, I'm on my lunch break, so could you hurry it up?" The barman pours the beer and then brings over the sandwich to where the duck is sitting, at a small table by the window. He says: "So you're on your lunch break. Do you work around here?" To which the duck replies: "Yeah, I work at the new building site up the street. I'm doing all the plastering on the new high rise." For the next couple of weeks, the duck continues to pop into the bar for lunch. One day, the circus rolls into town and the ring master comes into the bar. The barman tells him about the talking duck and the ring master gives his business card, asking the barman to get the duck give him a call. When the duck comes into the bar, the barman makes the sandwich, pours the beer and, as he's setting them on the table in front of the duck, he mentions: "I know some place where you could work. Would you be interested in something like that?" The duck looks up and says: "Well, yes, I'm always looking for a good job", to which the barman exclaims: "Its with the circus. What do you think of that?" A very concerned and discerning expression crosses the duck's face, and the duck slowly asks: "You mean the circus that keeps all of the animals in cages?" The barman says: "Yes." The duck says: "The circus where everybody caravans around from city to city, performing in tents for people?" The barman slowly nods "Yes." Then the duck raises an eyebrow and, leaning closer to glare straight into the barman's face, he asks: "What in the world would they want with a plasterer?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshwan Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted June 22, 2013 Moderator Share Posted June 22, 2013 A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to xxxx your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." Next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies "xxxx me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noise Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Latest Darwin awards http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXj1KoAokgY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lallasro Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 this is not limited to programmers, we all know ) http://blog.thingsdesigner.com/uploads/id/tree_swing_development_requirements.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Share Posted June 26, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wild foamy Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Sniff, i got shown that photo in training!, a bomb trigger that didnt go off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lallasro Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 i`m just curious, if I give a search on google for 4N35 6145TK and P2 0122 V23079-A1001-B301, the security service will be on my door in next 24h?! or is enough to write that there?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old1eye Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Latest Darwin awards http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXj1KoAokgY 90% of them must be American! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Lady: "So my oil light is on, what does it mean?" Clerk: "You need to add oil to your engine." Lady: " So can I buy this oil and just pour it on my engine and it will go away?" Clerk: "Yes you are probably a little low so just pour this oil into your engine and it should be good." Lady: "Thanks I take it." Later... Clerk: "What is she... oh I have to get this on camera!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sacha Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Good gawd! She's for real? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lallasro Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 I don`t think so... the engine is cold. no smoke when she put oil on engine. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniff6 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Share Posted July 2, 2013 Catching Wild Rabbits using Snakes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshwan Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 BAD SNAKE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noise Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 The Badpiper, with ACDC thunderstruck on bag pipes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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