~~Daily Feed, post what made you laugh today ~~

[dt502001]

Men teach thier son's how to catch ,clean and eat fish ....why.. because only 2 thing smell like fish and fish is 1.

[dt502001]

Why do I keep vinnager in my night side table....I like it on my fish

[wild foamy]

because only 2 thing smell like fish and fish is 1.

Why do I keep vinnager in my night side table....I like it on my fish

I can see a pattern emerging here... talk about a one-track mind

[sniff6]

Your kidding Right ???? :

Baby Manual: Conception to 2 Years Haynes Owners Workshop Manual: Amazon.co.uk: Dr. Ian Banks: Books

[mervin]

[obriens65]

In the gym today a guy comes in, sits at the arm extension (tricep) machine, hooks up 10Kg and goes hell for leather until he physically can't lift it again.

Then he moves to the arm curl machine, hooks up 10Kg and goes hell for leather until he can't lift it again.

Then he gets up and leaves the gym.

In all he was in the gym for less than ten minutes.

[sniff6]

[sniff6]

How to piss the Traffic Warden off

[mervin]

Posh Spice’ Brings Joy To Millions!

Talentless caterwauling harpy Victoria Beckham has announced that she is to retire from singing.

It is expected that millions of music lovers will be celebrating and dancing in the streets as word of this joyous news spreads throughout the world.

Tarquin Quarter-Ponder (Music critic for National Tyres) said:
“This is terrific news for the people who do not suffer from impaired hearing or senile dementia!”

Elvis Easyjet (Chief of ground staff at Manchester International Airport) was visibly shocked by the news:
“I recon we can get another five years of good quality bird-scaring by rotating her back catalogue but then we’re fucked! We’ll be up to our arses in crows and starlings… Our only hope now is that Elaine Page decides to record an album of Dido covers using the Large Hadron Collider as a microphone!”

David Beckham (Thick-as-pigshit football bloke and husband of the stick-thin slapper) commented, in a short break from his busy schedule of promoting football as a diversion to stop the people of China from thinking about turning against their oppressive political masters:
“Who? Oh yeah, the thin one with the miserable face… Yeah, well, y’know… it’s like… erm… y’know, it’s sort of… yeah! Do you like my new suit? It cost a million quid y’know and I’m wearing underpants made of diamonds... They’re a bit itchy.”

Mercedes Farquar-La-De-Dah (High-Society commentator for The Big Issue) commented:
“Posh? She’s about as posh as eating rat shit with chopsticks in a spunk-encrusted public shithouse! And she never has any spare change! Cunt!”

It is unlikely that Ms Beckham will be in any rush to sign on at her local job-centre. Rumour has it that she is about to launch a new Dental Care range based on selling her shit to be used as toothpaste in third world countries. The product launch is likely to be in the Cardiff branch of Superdrug.

O’Bollox News 24/03/2013

[neversaydie]

[mervin]

St Valentine’s Day is a blatant corruption of the much older (though equally ludicrous) pagan festival of “Valentino’s Ptarmigan Buggering Day”.
Valentino was a mythical buggerer of game birds. His favoured quarry were the Willow Ptarmigan (Lagopus lagopus) a relative of the Grouse, that were plentiful in both the highlands of Scotland and on the Arctic tundra. He was also known to be partial to buggering the occasional Rock Ptarmigan (Lagopus muta) and when necessary even the Red Ptarmigan (Lagopus lagopus scoticus) became a target for his lustful sodomy.
In pre-Christian times the traditional celebration of Valentino’s Day originally involved the mass buggering of all kinds of game birds (purists insisted on the use of Ptarmigan though they would accept Grouse if Ptarmigan were in short supply).
In latter years due to the hardship and dedication involved in catching live game birds in such a way that did not make their arse holes pucker-up to such an extent to make buggering impossible, the stylised celebration of gluing a few feathers to ones genitalia and strutting about like a Peacock with a terminal dose of haemorrhoids became the custom.
As Christianity swept through Europe like syphilis through a Preston nightclub, the practice became even more stylised to the point where the ruination of any game (i.e. sexually active) bird (i.e. woman) became acceptable. As the Christian church frowned upon any form of buggery (excepting that involving young boys and members of the clergy) the ‘ruination’ also became stylised into the proposal of marriage (which, if accepted, generally buggers the lives of the celebrant and the recipient).
The traditional giving of flowers is also believed to be a stylised remnant of the original face-full of heather and wild flowers encountered when buggering Ptarmigan in their natural habitat. Over recent decades, this has more commonly involved cheap, shitty, tasteless bunches of flowers purchased at the last minute from petrol stations. Many Theologians believe this is indicative of the ever-increasing popular realisation that marriage is no more than an out-dated mode of control of peoples lives operated by both state and church.
Happy St Valentines Day! Bugger a bird for Jesus!
(14th February 2013 - Old Perv’s Almanac)

[sniff6]

6ft Snowman For sale

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/6Ft-Snowman-requires-assembly-/300879924126?clk_rvr_id=462043127178&ssPageName=ADME:X:RTQ:GB:1123

[sniff6]

TEACH YOURSELF FREDDIE MERCURY

[Noise]

That's just creepy Sniff!

[sniff6]

That's just creepy Sniff!

But not when you read this: http://www.imdb.com/news/ni49719252/

[Noise]

Ha Ha, this should be a laugh even if its totally shit i think it will still be funny. Ive only seen Borat which i found funny in places but it wasn't one of those films i had to go and buy so i could watch again.

[sniff6]

5 Litre V Twin

[Noise]

Stick that in my dragstar!

[mervin]

that will be in a bike soon i promise ya, millyard built it from scratch

[drewpy]

even sounds like a plane, cool

here's a piston and rod