A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming pools have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one; but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided; if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.


Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says, "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies "No, I only live round the corner."

After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still

HMV workers take over official Twitter feed

Angry employees 'live tweet from HR' to announce 'mass execution' just don't invite the social media employees with making redundancies and leave the twitter account running

2005 Aprilia RS50 Black Turd for Sale::::

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/2005-APRILIA-RS50-BLACK-TURD-SPARES-OR-REPAIRS-PROJECT-NO-CAREFUL-OWNERS-55-/130842139840?pt=UK_Motorcycles&hash=item1e76cc9cc0&clk_rvr_id=446595194070

Very Funny....

I have a sad confession to make. Yesterday I was raped by a swan and all day today I've been feeling down in the dumps.

I watched my cock go in and out , in and out ,and in and out ..
It was getting wetter and wetter ..
All I could think was ... Get in your fucking coop it's starting to rain ..

As I speak, slightly inebriate,

To cut a long story short by wife has lost a lot of weight, and I mean a lot of weight.

I cook the tea every Friday and today she wanted macaroni cheese, but she said don't put a lot of cheese in the sauce because anything that begins with C is fattening,

i.e. cakes, crisps, chocolate etc.

To which I replied, what about cock, that will defiantly make you fat!

I must admit that she is so straight laced, but she actually burst out laughing.

There's hope for me yet, I hope.

I would not usually bother looking at owt like this , but it appeared on SWbikers forum , scroll down nearly to the bottom and read the quote on the right hand side :D :D

http://www.accidentclaims.org/

your kidding

the web designers didn't code the site very well and you can put any old crap in the boxes with anon phone number etc. no captcha

I think the claim part then populates the quote at the bottom.

BTW Captcha means Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart

My dream job of driving trucks in Australia turned into a nightmare when I broke down in the outback hundreds of miles from civilisation.

After three days the water ran out and started drinking my own urine. After another three days I could no longer recycle my piss and realised I was out of options and had to accept the inevitable.

So I opened some of the Fosters I was delivering.

Wait for it.......

Police 'stole identities of dead children' to give undercover officers new identities.

"We can't understand what all the fuss is about," said DCI Jamie Bulger & WPC Milly Dowler.

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I see Gloria Gaynor is remarrying some businessman called Jerry Stitts.

Wonder if she'll take his name...

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Just played Cluedo, the Tudor edition.

Henry VII did it, with a shovel, in the car park
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http://youtu.be/rx7koe2kbBQ

Think we have it bad with a bit of snow ????

Think again!!!

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=389_1360330426

Yep bloody raining Spiders of all things!!!