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  • 3 weeks later...
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A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends:
"Oh, no." She suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband. He'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time."
When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg and a can of cat food.
With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg and garnished it with the lettuce leaf.
She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.
To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it.
"Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day."
Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
She told her golf partners about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" They exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the clubhouse, and one of them said. "You killed him! We told you that feeding him cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied. "I didn't kill him. He fell off the window sill while he was licking his arse!"
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Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station:

The husband urged Charlie to stay over.

There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife.

No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her.

"I couldn't do that." He whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!"

"Listen, sugar." she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now."

"I can't believe that." Charlie said. "Surely if I have sex with you, he'll wake up won't he?"

"Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair from his ass and see if that wakes him."

Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and had sex with her.

When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep.

This went on eight times during the night.

Each time Charlie had sex with the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's bum hairs.

The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered. "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you screwing my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!

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