Alan the moped

[mervin]

Alan the moped

'ALAN' - one of only 30 million ever made - It is widely believed (by me) that this unassuming little moped was the original training bike of the 'Ghost Rider' (please see photo 1 for documented proof)

Looking resplendant in non-original Llama urine yollow and household apple white gloss this little fella has covered a mear 3463 miles from new, which cannot be verified of course.

I inherited this vehicle from my late father in law who, to the best of my knowledge, never actually had it on the road. It was stolen by some oiks then 'recovered' for ten english pounds. Substantial damage was caused to the lighting/ignition 'module' (handle bar switch) and the roadway illumination system (headlight), although this has had extensive modification including thin film technology (TFT) lens cover replacement, high grade aluminium reflector and anti shock tension band retaining straps. (photo 2).

PERFORMANCE.

I feel that this vehicle is capable of speeds in excess of 24 mph and will out accelerate the Hadron Collider (from the lights) upto 4mph (although this cannot be substantiated) thighs like Fatima Whitbread are also required for this kind of performance(not supplied).

SUSPENSION and HANDLING

Featuring the very latest in suspension technology:- at the front - USD fork arrangement and at the rear - those things in the photo.

I believe that the suspension works to some extent but the front forks have lost more oil than the Exon Valdez, that said some form of shock absorption is available and Alan will quite easily out handle my fathers 1800 intruder (but only with my father riding it) 2 boxes of 'Sea Legs' anti sickness tablets would be advisable before any journey.

BRAKING

Featuring upto 3" independent antilock (I couldn't get them to lock) drum brakes all round I estimate that this little machine would stop on 1,368 sixpences, or just under £35 in new money, from 8mph.

COMFORT and PRACTICALITY

I think the seat has been crafted by highly trained pigmy marmazetes from Stoke, then stuffed with the eyebrows of the lesser spotted downy eyebrowed coughing swan, although it may actually be vinyl and stuffed with cheap sponge. It is quite comfortable though and ripped

This little bike is EXTREMELY practical as it has a newspaper rack to the rear and can fetch the sun and the mirror thus negating the need for a dog.

FUEL ECONOMY

I have ridden this bike up and down my garage about 7 times and its hardly used any petrol and I havn't even peddalled it.

ENGINE

The engine is a normally asmatic four stroke displacing almost 1/20 th of a litre it works fine, some smoke is produced on start up and grows more intensive as you attempt to accelarate but it eventually stops............ when switched off.

FRAME

Yes

WHEELS

Mainly circular c/w tyres, probably from a Romanian wheel barrow.

IN CONCLUSION

Alan is a reliable yellow thing, he is house trained and is good with children, a real pleasure to know.

You must have a good sense of humour and a total lack of interest in global warming to own this machine.

The cost of the ghost hire was £300 and the new headlight arrangement was £1.63 (£1.10 for the pie)

Bids in excess of £1500 would be appreciated.(unlikely?)

Currently sorned with no MOT.

I am selling as I am having a bit of a clear out.

Good luck

Thanks

Keith (Alans dad)