barkwindjammer Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes. "I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man. "O.K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!" A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip. Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid. "Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!" The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling. "Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show, ahem... "Hans who does dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Airhead Posted June 2, 2010 Moderator Share Posted June 2, 2010 COAT GET IT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barkwindjammer Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 It wasn't as bad as some of Mervins jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator drewpy Posted June 2, 2010 Moderator Share Posted June 2, 2010 oi loikes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barkwindjammer Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 as a smatter of facts heres a Mervin joke for your perusal A man walks into a pub and as he walks past the cigarette machine, the machine shouts at him. "Oi! You! What are you doing here, we don't want your type, here. You are fat, you are stupid and your wife's a trollop. Clear off back to your sty!" The man doesn't know what to say, but as he approaches the bar, there is bowl of peanuts on the counter, which says to him: "Good evening, Sir, and Welcome. It's an honour to have someone with such charm, talent, wit and good looks visit our humble establishment, I do hope you have a most enjoyable evening". The man is most perplexed, so when the barman asks for his order, he tells him what the cigarette machine and bowl of peanuts said to him, and asked what was going on. "Nothing to worry about, Sir," says the bartender, "The cigarette machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepperami Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 squid joke?? i never saw that coming Nelson mandela answers the door to find a delivery agent with 38 tons of japanese car spare parts. the agent cannot speak very good English, but says "these for you" Nelson Mandela tells him there must be some mistake! The delivery agent says "i check invoice" the delivery agent then says "are you sure you not Nissan main dealer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike1949 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 A not very well squid was lying on the bottom of the sea bed trying to make himself invisable from his most feared predator the shark. A great white saw him and was just going in for the kill but suddenly stopped inches in front of him. "This is to easy squid, you should have dissapeared into the sand by now" "I'm not feeling very well" replied the squid. "Hop on my back and I'll take you to hospital" "Brill" replied squid, not believing his luck, mabye there are some good sharks about. After about five minutes the squid realised they were going in a different direction to where the hospital is. Two minutes later the shark met up with another great white and stopped. "Hello Sharkey" "Here's that sick squid I owe you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted June 4, 2010 Moderator Share Posted June 4, 2010 jesus how awful i will not ask when the best time to go shopping in Whitehaven, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator mervin Posted June 4, 2010 Moderator Share Posted June 4, 2010 on a recent holiday in spain i attended my first bullfight. i went with an open mind but i have to say i have never been so appalled and upset at any`sporting ` event before. it cost 8 quid to get in and a coke was 2 quid! and i was sat so far at the back i couldnt see the cows getting stabbed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
up.yours Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 i just got back off holiday in cumbria,its fuckin murder trying to get a taxi...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike1949 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 i just got back off holiday in cumbria,its fuckin murder trying to get a taxi...... That's as bad as saying. "Let's go to Tiananmen Square." "I could murder a Chinese" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
up.yours Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 :lol:you gotta laught though :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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