Moderator mervin Posted March 7, 2010 Moderator Share Posted March 7, 2010 just deleting some of the shite from my phone thought i would share some of the publishable ones Locals are said to be in a state of shock after police found a stash of guns and drugs behind the Job Centre in Liverpool yesterday.. A spokesman for the City said; "The people of Liverpool had no idea they had a Job Centre". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My mates wife left him last Thursday. Apparently she said she was just popping out for a pint of milk and never came back! I said to him: "How you coping?" He said: "Not too bad, I've been using that powdered stuff!". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife has just told me that Gavin from Autoglass came round earlier and injected his special resin into her crack - i'm not normally suspicious, but she hasn't even got a car!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy is walking along the road when he's stopped by a policeman & a sniffer dog. ''This dog tells me that your on drugs'' says the policeman. Paddy replies, "I'm on drugs? your the 1 who's talking to a dog". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sex tip of the day - NEVER use a lemon flavour condom. They make you cum in a jiffy ! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Got home today and found the missus dead with her head in the washing machine still at least she died in comfort ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Young bloke pulls older woman at a club. She's 61 but looks very good for her age. On the way back to her house he's thinking mmm! I bet her daughter is hot. When out of the blue she asks if he'd like a Sportsman's Double? "Wots that?" he asks. "It's a Mother & daughter threesome!" she says. "WOW! YES PLEASE!" So as they go in her front door, she puts the hall light on & shouts " Mum are you still awake?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Let's test the way u think. Read this: thepenisinmymouth. Did u read the pen is in my mouth? Like **** u did. Pass it on cock sucker!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- A bloke was in the supermarket when he sees this tasty bird givin him the eye. Do i know you he asks ? arent you the father of one of my children she replies ? Thinking back to the only time he was unfaithful he says : are you the stripper on my stag night who ****ed me on the pool table whilst your mate shoved an enormous dildo up my ass while spanking me with a piece of wet celery ? No she replies , im your sons school teacher ! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- George Clooney is set to star in a film about the life story of Gary Glitter titled "Oh she's eleven --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Woman answers phone and pervert on the other end breathes.. "have u got a big sweaty hairy c*u*T". Woman says ," yeah he's on the f*c*ing settee, do u want him ? __________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JYA12R Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 What would we do without ole merv? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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