Imponderables

[mervin]

Ponder on these imponderables for a minute:-

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why issexy lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's license's of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

19.Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.50 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards:NAIVE (My Fav)

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeingsection in a swimming pool?

21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

[pepperami]

i dont know what you`ve been taking , but can i have some

[barkwindjammer]

Some good ones there Mervin

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000."

The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'"

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly," replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are NOT square.'"

"Done!" the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind, I would like to come back at 10 o' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem." said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his balls as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o' clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants so that she and her lawyer could inspect his balls.

The president readily obliged, anticipating an unexpected windfall of $25,000.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch his balls.

"Of course," said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a small smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $125,000 that around 10 o' clock in the morning I would be fondling the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada."