1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written

An impressive new book. It's called ...

'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink

And be Mary..

3. The difference between the Pope and

Your boss, the Pope only expects you

To kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant

Flash and it is gone.

5.. The only time the world beats a path to

Your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.The seat folded up, the drink spilled and

That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes

Now, of course, there's

shipping and handling, too.

8... A husband is someone who, after taking

the trash out, gives the impression that

he just cleaned the whole house.

9 My next house will have no kitchen - just

Vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my

Mechanic might try to rip me off.

I was relieved when he told me all

I needed was turn signal fluid.'

11. Definition of a teenager?

God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may

the splinters never point the wrong way..

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A guy calls his wife from the emergency room. He tells her that his finger got cut off at the construction site where he works.

"Oh my God!!" cries the woman. "The whole finger?"

"No," replies the guy. "The one next to it."

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In one epsiode of "Cheers", Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm:

"Well, you see Norm, it's like this...

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest onles at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and heald of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Pearls...that's what they are, Pearls