wild foamy Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply. The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..." The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..." The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life: "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator DirtyDT Posted May 22, 2009 Moderator Share Posted May 22, 2009 A drunk walks into a pub and sees an old guy at the bar with a duck. The duck is standing on top of a biscuit tin dancing. The drunk is so excited he asks the old man if he can buy the amazing dancing duck. £100 changes hand and the drunk walks out with the duck under one arm and the tin under the other. The drunk gets home, places the duck on the tin and waits. The duck just stands there looking around. Very angry the drunk picks up the duck and tin and marches back to the pub. The old bloke is still there. He walks up to him and says "I got home, placed the duck on the tin and he did nothing". The old man replies "you must have forgotten to light the candle in the tin". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator DirtyDT Posted May 22, 2009 Moderator Share Posted May 22, 2009 A young bloke gets a job on a building site. The boss says it is only £100 a week but every friday you get to shag the secretary. The young bloke looks at the secretary and she is a stunner. So he takes the job. The week goes past and come friday the guys are queuing up and taking turns with the secretary. The young blokes turn comes and the secretary strips him off and gives him a W**k. "Hold on" says the young bloke " the boss said I would get sex on a friday" The secretary replies "Normally yes but we always work a week in hand" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator DirtyDT Posted May 22, 2009 Moderator Share Posted May 22, 2009 An Englishman visits Texas. after a couple of day he decides to visit a prostitute. He phones up and arranges to meet her at her apartment. He gets a cab there, walks in and looks around. "This apartment is massive" he says. The prostitute replies "Everything's big in Texas". She walks towards the bedroom and he follows. As he gets to the bedroom door he see's the bed. It is the biggest bed he has ever seen. "That bed is huge" says the Englishman". The prostitute replies "Everything's big in Texas". The prostitute tells the English guy to strip off. The English guy starts to take his clothes off. As he drops his boxers the prostitute looks at the English guys manhood and says........."What part of Texas are you from?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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